tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post113444581531712495..comments2023-10-26T06:40:19.537-04:00Comments on Certainly Not Cool Enough To Blog: The real me, whoever that ismsfitzitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17174138130763427353noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-1134683492175256502005-12-15T16:51:00.000-05:002005-12-15T16:51:00.000-05:00I struggle with this a lot, I was really aware of ...I struggle with this a lot, I was really aware of the different ways people treated me and was terrified of being stuck as "The Grieving Mother" in other people's minds. I'm not sure why I was so hung up about it, but I was. I eventually worked out that some people will always see me that way, but most people don't see me as that exclusively, and that is partly due to my own behaviour, when I started to re-connect with the world as something that included that but wasn't overwhelmingly about the grief things changed. I bet you'll do that when you are ready, and waiting for Thomas's tree to bud in the spring would be a great time to start thinking about doing that if you aren't already. We planted a tree, too, and had trees planted all over the world but mostly on the Isle of Skye and I love to think of them growing and cycling through life, I'll think of your tree now too.grumpyABDadjuncthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00996252815514179671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-1134510034356265642005-12-13T16:40:00.000-05:002005-12-13T16:40:00.000-05:00I wonder how long it takes before they'll be able ...<I>I wonder how long it takes before they'll be able to see me instead of my sorrow.</I><BR/><BR/>I think they do see you. They see you navigating your grief and are just so unsure of how to help you find your way that they don't know what to say or do. They are paralyzed because no matter which way they go, they will most likely make mistakes. But I can assure you they see you...the real you...and they're watching you carefully because they want to be sure you are going to make it through the worst of this. They know you'll be different...and they're waiting to see who they will have when all is said and done. I bet they don't mean to make you feel like you're in a fishbowl. But let's face it...all your relationships will be affected by how you deal with your grief. All your loved ones can do is wait...and pray.<BR/><BR/>I hope the holidays pass peacefully for you and you are able to focus on your grief work (and it is work) again in the new year.<BR/><BR/>And if it makes you feel any better...you're not alone in the fishbowl. :o)Catherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01160908955133304449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-1134490568960725422005-12-13T11:16:00.000-05:002005-12-13T11:16:00.000-05:00My gosh - you nailed SO many things on the head! I...My gosh - you nailed SO many things on the head! I sat here, nodding in agreement, with all of your questions and realizations about the pre- and post-Thomas "you."<BR/><BR/>I think it's normal to wonder what the outside world thinks of people in our position. Is it always pity and curiosity ... or is there more behind those looks? And, I guess I wonder this, too, since I expressed those same looks to people in "that" position before it had happen to me.<BR/><BR/>I can't recall what I felt when I'd look at them or think about them ... probably sorrow more than anything - wishing there was a way to undo what had made those people so, so sad.<BR/><BR/>As you once told me, the death of your baby is a life-altering event - people may never see us the same way again. I wonder if we will always be a split personality - the pre- and post-loss. And, as you said, the two will eventually learn to co-exist somehow, someday.Sherryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10334304440258785910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-1134483244696424492005-12-13T09:14:00.000-05:002005-12-13T09:14:00.000-05:00I don't see you that way at all. People can't help...I don't see you that way at all. People can't help but change when aweful things happen to them. <BR/><BR/>If anyone acts funny when you're around their children, I'm sure it's only meant to protect you from more hurts. <BR/><BR/>I would say that I still see the 'real' you in there. Your humour for one, which is just one part of the girl I know, is still intact. I think you just are more complex than you used to be. BUT you're still you- kind, smart, witty, friendly... a good soul. <BR/><BR/>I don't think things can ever be 100% like they used to, and maybe they shouldn't be. Thomas' life has affected your outlook, and has caused anyone who knew you to be aware of what a griefing mother goes through. <BR/><BR/>I saw once on Oprah (love her) after a woman went through an unthinkable tragedy where she decided to accept a "new normal" instead of trying to be the person she was before her malaise. This was her way of being ok with herself and how her life would never, ever be the same.Teresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10057287077468609441noreply@blogger.com