tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post6533546503486984176..comments2023-10-26T06:40:19.537-04:00Comments on Certainly Not Cool Enough To Blog: It's dark in heremsfitzitahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17174138130763427353noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-88309467671479528032008-10-05T16:16:00.000-04:002008-10-05T16:16:00.000-04:00I can't pretend to know what it's like for you. I ...I can't pretend to know what it's like for you. I don't even know if you want to hear from me these days given that I got the live baby, and so recently. But I just wanted to say that I am with the others-- it would be surprising if you didn't have these feelings. To fight so hard and for so long, and then to watch those who joined the club so much later just pass you by... that has to hurt, horribly. And I am sorry for that, and sorrier still that my own good fortune would add to your pain.<BR/><BR/>I guess I can also fess up, and hope that it would help. I was at a kid birthday party yesterday to which Monkey was invited. And I have to say that I was annoyed by the number of babies there, a whole bunch of them 1st pregnancy babies. I felt this weird pressure to pretend that I belong (which, of course, means that I do not feel like I belong). I still didn't want to look at anyone else's baby, to say how cute they are or whatever. I didn't want to discuss sleep schedules or eating habits or anything else.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09745262857388007041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-2751595205776626312008-09-30T18:19:00.000-04:002008-09-30T18:19:00.000-04:00Apparantly, there is this story in Aristotle or so...Apparantly, there is this story in Aristotle or somewhere else ancient about a town.<BR/><BR/>It was a beautiful town, and the townspeople lived happily within it. There was one problem though, at night, while everyone was asleep, someone or something was going through the town causing destruction.<BR/><BR/>No-one could figure out who or what this was. They would just wake up each morning with another piece of their beautiful town in rubble on the ground.<BR/><BR/>The leaders set about looking for an answer to this mystery to no avail. Eventually however, a man came to the town and said that he could rid them of this problem, but he would have to drain the lake. At the muddy depths of the lake, they found a giant, who, rose from the lake each night and destroyed.<BR/><BR/>Once faced however, he was able to be put to good use in rebuilding.<BR/><BR/>Excuse the bad retelling, I know I have lost both poetic and metaphorical significance in this shoddy job. It is meant as a metaphor for aggression.<BR/><BR/>But when I heard it, I knew that I had seen the giantess at the bottom of my lake. She has a lot of red hair and green green eyes.<BR/><BR/>And I have yet to put Her to some useful force, and I resent this horrendous experience which, on top of everything else, has drained my lake and forced me to stare at The Ugly in the muddy depths....<BR/><BR/>You won't always be like this. And however you stare at a baby when you are 80, it won't be with the same eyes that you do it now.Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890663570732346315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-2043533363459057932008-09-29T23:27:00.000-04:002008-09-29T23:27:00.000-04:00I think it is perfectly natural to be relieved to ...I think it is perfectly natural to be relieved to know you aren't 'the only one'. I mean, isn't that what blogland is kind of about? <BR/><BR/>You know I have my own struggles and believe me, there is no joy in knowing another person is suffering as I am, but there is comfort, there is relief, there is not feeling like 'the only one'.<BR/><BR/>Big hugs, my dear friend.ladywithasonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16366922703194310468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-41159221762940705612008-09-29T22:40:00.000-04:002008-09-29T22:40:00.000-04:00Thank you for writing this. You so clearly expres...Thank you for writing this. You so clearly express your emotions. It helps those of us who want to understand what that hurt is like. It helps me know I'm not alone when I'm not completely happy for a friend who is pregnant--because I don't know if that will ever be me again. I want to be completely happy, but I'm not. That's the honest, ugly truth.katherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03238053385001909962noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-46925508860253198612008-09-29T20:13:00.000-04:002008-09-29T20:13:00.000-04:00Ok, I think you are totally normal. I felt a smal...Ok, I think you are totally normal. I felt a small sense of satisfaction when I read Laila Ali's birth plan didn't go "as planned". I thought she was so arrogant to talk about her birth plan. Ever since losing my son I get so irritated to hear people's "birth plans". I just silently think about how much they do not know....Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12135594102779179022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-24435321319294541642008-09-29T10:29:00.000-04:002008-09-29T10:29:00.000-04:00I dunno. I think you would pretty much have to be...I dunno. I think you would pretty much have to be superhuman to feel nothing but unadulterated joy for others who, even if they've suffered, seem to be on the verge of achieving something you so desparately want for yourself.<BR/><BR/>I know I still (still!) feel that kind of bitterness, especially when someone is expecting twins.<BR/><BR/>I've pretty much stopped expecting myself to get over it.<BR/><BR/>(and, if it's any comfort, it makes me feel so much better and less guilty about my own good fortune to hear that the surrogacy part of it might make it sting a little less for others)niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10685766216611639434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-70481621420445528742008-09-29T10:24:00.000-04:002008-09-29T10:24:00.000-04:00I have no idea how you did it, but you put into wo...I have no idea how you did it, but you put into words exactly the things I'm afraid to say out loud.Polka Dothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00633374196156501103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-57467361162830170842008-09-29T02:53:00.000-04:002008-09-29T02:53:00.000-04:00(((Kristin))).I don't know if it's possible to get...(((Kristin))).<BR/><BR/>I don't know if it's possible to get rid of every last drop of bitterness. I think it's normal - an outlet which prevents you from exploding. But you are one of the most wholesome and beautiful (I mean inner-wise although outer-wise is true too!) I read in deadbabyland. A little bitterness doesn't take that away.<BR/><BR/>Even though I am now one of those to have been lucky enough to have had a living sub baby, I had feelings in the same vein when my SIL's brother and his wife had their first baby last week. I'm always a bit surprised, and a bit jealous and a bit bitter when the first pregnancy ends up producing a live baby.<BR/><BR/>I wish you would get this happy ending too. I wish it with all my heart.Rosepetalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11198906406934870970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9972140.post-76391731693545975552008-09-28T16:21:00.000-04:002008-09-28T16:21:00.000-04:00What honest writing.I often feel similarly - and o...What honest writing.<BR/><BR/>I often feel similarly - and once a grief blog turns into an expecting a baby blog I start to skim instead of read every word. Then I feel upset that people (even the entire world!) are moving on without me. This is entirely selfish, but wouldn't it be nice if we could all be expecting together! But everyone is on their own life path and mine seems to be circling a memorial garden right now, around and around.<BR/><BR/>I think it is a very good sign that you feel joy for others along with bitterness. It is normal to feel what you are relaying and I encourage you to accept it as such and not pass any judgments on yourself for emotionally reacting in this way (easier said than done!).<BR/><BR/>I'm sorry I can't think of anything helpful to say. This is such a complicated and sad issue. Just know that you are in my thoughts.AnnaBellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614241329182982677noreply@blogger.com