Saturday, January 08, 2011

Godspeed

On January 4th, sometime in the wee hours while he was tucked up in his bed, my dad's sweet and much-loved heart quietly stopped beating.

I'm sure I will be able to speak more eloquently about this in the days to come, but right now I'm spent. Yesterday afternoon, under cold but mercifully sunny skies, we laid him to rest in the same cemetery where our Thomas lies.

And I miss him like crazy. I can still feel the last hug I got from him on Sunday night after dinner. Tight, tight, tight, despite how incredibly weak and frail he was. And as he held me, he kissed me on the head as though I was a child again.

I lost my son - my only child. I know that putting one foot in front of the other is how you carry on despite the suffocating grief and sorrow's unrelenting fatigue.

But I miss my daddy. I miss him so very, very much.

33 comments:

areyoukiddingme said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you will miss him terribly.

Ann Smith said...

(((Kristin))) I'm so sorry about your father. I'm glad that his strong hug and kiss are some of the last things you remember about his physical self. It is so clear how much he loved you and you him. He's with you now and always. I know it's very hard.

Jules said...

I'm so sorry. Like you said, you know how to survive grief, but it doesn't make it any easier. I'll be thinking of you!

The Nanny said...

I'm so, so sorry, and sending so much love to you and your family.

Illanare said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. You and your beloved Daddy will be in my thoughts.

Rosepetal said...

I'm glad for your memory of him hugging you tightly. I hope he and Thomas are off together somewhere now. (((hugs)))

Catherine said...

Much love and peace to you.

Heather said...

I am so sad for you and your family. What a horrible thing to endure, and you've already endured so much.

erica said...

I feel lucky to have caught a glimpse of how special your dad was through your words here, and I am so, so sorry for this loss.

Thinking of you and sending love.

justine said...

I'm so sorry. Wishing you comfort ... may that hug and kiss stay with you for a long, long time. Thinking about you ... :(

dena said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad......your words describe a man who loved his family very much...and I'm sure you will miss him very much. Thinking of you all.

Colleen said...

I am so sorry.

Mrs. Spit said...

I am so very sorry sweetheart. I wish this wasn't so.

E. Phantzi said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Hugs.

loribeth said...

I'm so sorry. :( You have been in my thoughts & prayers.

Thank you for sharing your dad with us on your blog. That's a wonderful picture of the two of you.

Michele said...

Oh honey.... Prayers and hugs...

Pipsylou said...

Oh, honey. I have no words. I know the bond between you was amazing.

I am so sorry. Just in reading your words about your dad, I knew I would have loved him.

I'm so sorry. Wish I had more words.

lady pumpkin said...

So, so sorry to read of your loss. Your dad was so lucky to have your love in his life and you to have his. Thinking of you and sending (((hugs))).

Lizzie said...

Stopping in to add my condolences...although they don't feel like much. So sorry for your loss.

Another Dreamer said...

So sorry for your loss (*hugs*) Take care.

Alex said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Shanna said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. Big hugs to you and know I am thinking of you.

RP said...

My dear, sweet friend, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you peace and love. I know how much you loved him. Gentle hugs.

Kristi said...

I am sorry for your losses. May your children and your father be walking hand in hand in the sunshine.

Anna said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I have been dreading this day for you. I wish you could have had him forever. Both of them.

sharah said...

I'm so, so sorry about your dad.

the misfit said...

I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.

Meredith said...

I am so sorry for your loss, you have written so eloquently about your father, especially over these last few months. The picture of the two of you is beautiful.

RoseAnn said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have followed your blog for quite a while and very rarely comment.

You wrote about your dad with such caring and tenderness. I know that he and Thomas are looking out for each other...and for you.

{{{Hugs}}}

DinosaurD said...

I'm so sorry Kristin.
DinoD

lilpudge said...

Been quietly lurking your blog but had to comment to say a very heartfelt "I am so sorry"

May the days to come find you holding on to that "special hug" while you navigate your grief.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

B said...

Your dad looked like a beautiful man. The world will be worse off without his wisdom and love in it.

I am sad you have to grieve again.

sending love

B

Mali said...

I'm so sorry. I've been away, and missed this, but I don't think it's ever too late to let you know how sorry I am.