Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Someone rifled through our car the other night. I noticed that the glove compartment and ash tray were open when I got in to take my dad to the hospital for dialysis Friday morning.

I'm happy that since neither me nor My Beloved ever leave anything more valuable than change for Price Chopper shopping carts in the car, all they found were old receipts, extra napkins, one pink glove and an expired ferry ticket. And garbage.

We're so not car people...

But still, someone rifled through our car. Someone decided to walk onto our property, get into our car (which took us years to pay off), and poke about to see if they could take something from us.

From us.

Because yes, that was my first thought: How could anyone want to take more from us?!

I was aghast, staring stupidly at the open glove box spilling its contents onto the passenger side floor, quietly filling with rage. My baby died. In fact, I did nothing but lose babies for five straight years. And now, after all that, I am still childless.

How dare someone try to take more from me.

I realize that the teenager hunting for beer money in my ash tray had no idea whose care he was attempting to pilfer from. I know it was a totally random car on a totally random street to him. It wasn't personal.

Except that when the universe has fucked with you the way it has fucked me, everything kinda feels personal somehow.

Even when it isn't.

This inflated sense of entitlement - this belief that I should, nay, deserve to be spared any and all future suffering, persecution, toil, torment, sorrow, and general badness is only going to mess me up further. I know that too. Mostly because I know that no one - not even someone who has suffered the worst cruelties imaginable - is immune to experiencing still more. That's the way life works. There is an endless vault of crap for the universe to pull from, and random shit happens all the time to whoever finds themselves walking into the black cloud of a looming shitstorm.

But I can't help it. The injustice of having someone break into my car when life has spent so much time shitting in my general direction was just too much to swallow Friday morning. On the way to the hospital. Where Thomas died.


And while I'm at it, fuck you, stupid kid looking for beer money. I hope you never find yourself sitting speechless in your car wondering why on earth someone would want to take something from you when you've already lost so much.

I hope you never know the fatigue that comes with that kind of defeat.


Mrs. Spit said...

I'm very sorry. You are right, it's a kick in the teeth you didn't need.

Illanare said...

I'm so sorry, that just sucks.

Teresa said...

That sucks!! AT LEAST there was no damage.

I had my car broken into twice when I lived in Toronto. Both times they stole my speaker and stereo, and change I kept for parking meters. One of those times there was even a long cigarette ash left in the door handle (the nerve to have a leisurely smoke while smashing my car window and stealing from me!)

The first time it happened I was so upset. The shit storm was hitting me from all directions, I had just lost my grandmother, my stepmother and my family dog within 6 months time....and THEN someone broke into my car! The nerve!!

After the second time it happened, I truly felt targeted. Ultimately I came to realize that the people who do shit like that are probably living a shitty life. They have addictions and are heading down a path that will ultimately lead to no good.

While it certainly sucks the big one, things can always be suckier... there are cheerier days ahead! And to the would-be theives -- karma WILL catch up to you in the end!

kate said...

That sucks!

Not surprisingly, this has happened to me. When whoever it was didn't find anything, they also did some mild trashing of the car in frustration (pulled out wires, whatever). I figured i was lucky they didn't take a dump in it.

Rosepetal said...


erica said...

Ugh. I'm so sorry.

Rachel said...

Hey loco, why don't you go fuck yourself? Take your trolly ass back under the bridge from whence you crawled. What kind of cruel-minded fuckwit judges a mother who lost her child? If you don't like what Kristin has to say, don't read it.

Kristin, I'm sorry. About the break-in and the troll. And all the other shittastically unfair things that have happened to you and S. I know that you appreciate everything and everyone you have. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to mourn those that you've lost. :(

B said...

Hey. What's up with that commenter?

Sorry it high jacked your post.

The last line of your post really struck me. The words fatigue and defeat....... I just don't know if they're true. At least, I'm sure they are true in feeling but when I look at you I don't see defeated. I see excellent gal whose had a shit time but is still pretty all round excellent and can crochet to boot. And I'm really sad that you don't have a kid to enjoy all that excellentness. It makes no sense at all. But it doesn't make you less excellent.

Just so you know.

kate said...

I'm so sorry you got robbed. Maybe the guy who did it didn't get anything of tangible value but he took a part of you and that totally sucks. I my house was ransacked when I was little and it was something that still bugs me to this day.

And I'm so sorry about your babies. I lost triplets at 24 weeks over Christmas (Evie lived and hour, Jack was stillborn, and Will lived for almost two weeks) and it was THE most hardest thing I have ever gone through. The pain and loss still sucks my breath away. You never get over losing children, one mother who lost her son at 38 weeks of pregnancy told me. You only learn to live with the pain. Seems like that is very true. I'm sorry that you've been dealt so many difficult and unfair things. I hate that life is unfair and bad things happen to good people. And no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to make it any fairer, you know? And that's so tiresome. Just know that I weep with you and also long for the day when good things rather than bad start happening.