Wednesday, September 05, 2007


Clearly I need an editor.

It didn't occur to me that it might have sounded like I was scolding hundreds of people yesterday when I said I was sad that some friends and family have simply faded away. I wasn't - honestly. There are just 4 or 5 "in real life" people that I'm surprised I haven't heard a word from since I miscarried the twins, that's all.

I understand it might be difficult for them to reach out to me. My God, what DO you say to someone who only breeds tragedy? But at the same time, I'm kind of tired of having to cut people slack. I have enough to do (what with the grieving and healing and figuring out where the hell to go from here), and I just don't have the energy to add trying to worm my way into the minds of the silent few to the list.

I think this is just what happens sometimes. There are people who simply can't deal with tragedy and prefer to fade away. Unfortunately I don't have the energy to reel them back in this time. I just don't.

But luckily we have many incredibly supportive friends and family members that can deal and do give My Beloved and I unending support in all its varied forms.

For that - and for those brave souls - I am eternally grateful.


Angela said...


Shinny said...

You shouldn't have to try to get people to care about you. Especially at this time. Do what you need to do to take care of you. That is what is important right now.

You know that you have many people in the computer who care, granted it isn't always the same as a real live hug or shoulder to cry on, but we do think about you and are sending love and healing your way.

This is the time that the wagons need to rally around you and protect you from the world. Wish I could bring you my wagon to be a buffer. Incredibly sorry for your loss.

M said...

I'm one of those people that others don't know what to say to - a simple 'thinking of you' or 'i don't know what to say' would do. I too, am sick of cutting them slack, making excuses. We've been through this enough times that I would have hoped that those close to us would have had some idea.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is - don't make excuses for them, look after yourself and your beloved and make no apologies to anyone for what you need to do.... xxx

Carole said...

I agree with M. I have found on this journey that some of my family and friends became strangers...and some 'strangers' became so dear to me that I just couldn't do without them and their support.

I'm so sorry for all that you've been through.

meg said...

I have had a lot of losses myself and I know that people do not know what to say to us either.

I have been so disappointed by friends and family members who couldn't get away from us fast enough. It's almost like they think all our losses are "catching" or something--if they have anything to do with us, it will rub off and their lives will become a total nightmare too. When it's a number of losses, it becomes harder to think of it as a fluke. I definitely have referred to myself as cursed too.

Look after yourself and your husband first. I'm sure that will take all your energy right now. If those people don't come back (mine didn't, I'm sad to say), there will be others to fill that role. The bloggers I have found on line have been a life saver and as Carole mentioned, sometimes people you hardly know, will be the ones to stand by you. And that's what we all need.

I am incredibly sorry for all your losses, for all you have been through. I truly do know and understand.

Rosepetal said...

I don't cut quite a lot of people slack. They have faded away and frankly I don't really miss them either. This phenomenon where because of the tragedy that happens you're supposed to have become magically wise and YOU'RE suddenly the one who has to tell everyone else what to do. Holy crap, they just need to call you and talk to you and not shy away from talking because it makes THEM uncomfortable. It's not about them.

rant over.