Wednesday, October 22, 2008

And nothing but the truth

If you knew an almost 39-year old woman who'd had three miscarriages, a massive placental abruption during delivery that killed her son, and unexplained hemorrhaging during a D&C, would you wonder why she would even consider trying to get pregnant again?

What if you found out that she also has one blocked fallopian tube, a bicornuate uterus, and an issue with high blood pressure?

What if she'd already had one lap surgery because she was "riddled with scar tissue" from a C-section and subsequent blood infection, and that her OB suspects that she may also have Asherman syndrome, a "rare condition" where adhesions form inside the uterus?

What if she'd been told that the scar tissue her OB removed during the lap may have all regrown more than 6 months ago?

Would you think she was certifiable for continuing to try to get pregnant - particularly when it seems so difficult for her to stay pregnant?

Would you encourage her to keep trying?

Would you tell her that the odds are so stacked against her that it might be wiser and healthier to move on?

Would you keep her at arm's length?

Would you tell her to pray harder?

Would you tell her to send positive energy out into the universe?

Would you tell her what she wants to hear?

Would you tell her what you'd want to hear?

Would you tell her the truth?

11 comments:

kymmi said...

Truth? What is the truth? Maybe I can't see it - but truth doesn't have much to do with this.

I wish I could make it happen. I wish I had the best advice. I wish I knew the magic bullet.

Life isn't fair - and trying harder doesn't always make it better. But you deserve it - and I'm not sure just knowing that is enough.

I wouldn't shun anyone's attempts at fulfilling their dreams. No one knows what is right for you and your family other than you and your beloved do.

Just know that whatever decision you do make? Is likely the only one you could have made at the time dealing with what you were dealing with. In other words - give yourself a little slack. But by God, do what is in your heart.

Kymmi

B said...

I would tell her my heart breaks over and over for her.

I would tell her that I am not afraid of her grief, no matter where it takes her. I will be a witness to it because it is a witness to her love.

I would stick my finger up at God or the universe on her behalf while pleading for a change in the game plan.

I would ask her how her dear beloved is and what he thinks.

I would pray that she could find a place to rest because it seems that even her bed is unsafe, she is haunted by dreams.

I would be bossy and tell her to stop saying "what if" because that is a form of self torture.

And if there wasn't an ocean between us, I would sit beside her as she wept and wept and then I would wash her hair and brush it while she shut her eyes and her breathing stopped shuddering.

I would light a candle and put on some beautiful music and cook amazing food and spend a long time carefully choosing wine to match.

I would offer my house if she wanted a trip to Oz - for a change in mood and scene.

I would leave overly long comments which, although very clumsy, hopefully let her know that even though I don't know you in real life, I care very deeply for you and it matters to me how you get through this overwhelming despair.

much love

Barb

Catherine said...

I wouldn't TELL her anything because I'm sure she already knows. But I would be there to hold her hand through whatever she chooses to do. And no, I wouldn't wonder why about her choices...because I think I get it.

kate said...

I don't know that there is much for me to add...i just wanted you to know i was here & read & am thinking of you. (and i *certainly* wouldn't say to pray harder! I hope noone has said such a foolish thing to you...)

niobe said...

I'm not sure that there's any such thing as truth. But I would keep her in my prayers.

G said...

What is the truth? There really is no hard and fast truth out there. Whatever she chooses, she should know that many people are thinking about her.

Erin said...

I would tell her to do what she feels is right and that her friends will always stand behind her.

Jayme said...

I would tell her to go for it, if it's what she wants. Because I hope someone would say the same to me.

Rosepetal said...

I would tell her I admire her and I care. That's the truth.

Scrappy_Lady said...

I, too, would tell her that there's no fault in trying to get everything she wants. Also, I'd let her know that I am hoping for only the best for her, and that I'd never tell her to pray harder, even though I might pray harder for her.

JMB said...

Truth. And really, only she knows the truth. Only she can make that decision, and find it in herself, amongst everything else, to accept it.

I would tell her not to give up her dreams if she still wants to chase them, regardless of how she gets there.

I would tell her that she has an entire cheering section out in the ether, willing to support whatever she decides.

You know, if she were to ever ask.