Monday, September 11, 2006

Can I print a retraction?

Me and my big mouth.

My Beloved and I weren't totally sure what we'd do if we ever found ourselves in the enviable position of having to decide to tell family and friends about a brand new pregnancy. There were certainly more cons than pros, given our less than stellar reproductive history. Even just the two miscarriages made us wary of spilling the beans too soon. And then there was Thomas.

But because I can't keep my big gaping maw shut, anyone and everyone who reads this blog (family, friends and strangers) now knows that I'm in the two week wait, with increased chances that something might indeed be percolating within.

I've taken away our ability to choose when we will announce our happy news (if we do indeed get some).

I'm an idiot. Our choice now is to tell the truth or lie. Fantastic.

It's not that we want to withhold good news (for God's sake, we revel in even the tiniest bit of it ourselves, so we know how news this big and this good would make the people we love feel) it's just that we're possibly the most gun-shy people on the planet when it comes to second lines on a pee stick. And when we see them this time - if we see them - we'll need time to absorb it all. To mourn our boy as we celebrate the possibility of a new life, and to make sense of our excitement, fear, bewilderment and disbelief.

And it would be nice to be able to do that without every single person we know staring at us.

Which brings us back to my flapping pie hole. I'm kind of sorry I opened it. And I don't know what we'll do now, so all I can say is please don't ask. Please let us do this the way we need to, even though it might be hard for you while you're waiting and wondering.

Just imagine how much harder it is for us and give us the space we need.

As for me, I guess I'll have to bind my fingers so I can't type and keep my mouth full of cookies so I can't speak.

Hmmm. The cookie thing doesn't sound half bad...

8 comments:

Scrappy_Lady said...

Of course we'd all love to hear the bestest news as soon as you have to share it. But, I can understand what you're saying. Most wonderful thoughts coming your way!!

MB said...

That was the worth part about doing IVF for me. Everyone knew what was going on. When the first beta was positive, everyone knew that but no one knew I had already started spotting. When the numbers started doing goofy things everyone still thought all was well. Telling everyone about the ectopic/miscarriage was made even more difficult because we had to tell everyone it was over.

Because infertility isn't bad enough, everyone has to know about it. When we did the FET in January, we told no one. Literally. I don't know if I'd advocate that because when it failed, the fact that no one knew what we'd been through made it harder...

I dunno. There's no good way to handle it.

Sending you love and hugs. The process is a hassle. One can only hope that the end result is fabulous and makes the rest of it totally worth it.

Emma's Mum said...

It is such a fine line between wanting support and needing to keep everything to yourself and protect yourself from the outside world. I know that I want to keep the secret as long as possible....but at least we have the safety of blogland. We will all be here for you - without questions or judgement....
Thinking of you....

Denise said...

I think you have been more than generous sharing your journey with all of us. Good or bad news...it is yours to share on your own terms and in your own time. I'm hoping for the best for you.

Margaret said...

I totally respect your need to absorb whatever news you have to share in two weeks. Those who know you and care about you will understand your need to spread the news in your own time and your own way. Just know that we are here and we are thinking the most positive thoughts for you and your beloved. And have a cookie for me;-)

Sherry said...

Once again, sitting here nodding in agreement. Gun-shy is an understatement, so do what makes you and your Beloved comfortable and the rest of the world - virtual and real - will be here whatever you decide makes you most comfortable. = )

kate said...

As everyone else says -- you have to do what is best for you! Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...

Nikki said...

Kristin please take all the time you need it is hard when most people around you know what is going on and its not private for you to keep until your ready but I think your right you and S need your time to absorb the news and digest it and then share when your both ready. Im honoured to be able to read about you and Thomas through your blog and know that I along with many others will be here waiting and will wait as long as you want....sending you all the best of luck and my fingers are crossed that you will be blessed. ((((((HUGS))))))