Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Notes on a madwoman

I bought new sheets today - but not just regular old sheets. Fleece sheets. Fleeeeeeeece. I saw them somewhere last week and have been dreaming about them ever since. When I spotted a gorgeous set at Costco today for just $31, I grabbed them.

They're going to take up a stupid amount of room in the linen closet when we're not using them, but it'll be worth the annoyance during the warm months to be cuddled by a queen size mattress-shaped teddy bear all winter long.

I took my dad to dialysis today. We needed someone to be there to make sure the shot he was getting wasn't a duplicate flu shot. He has a lot of trouble hearing and even more trouble remembering, so he came home on Monday afternoon with sketchy information about the nature of the shot.

Always one to escalate the seriousness of a situation beyond reasonable levels (particularly if I have an entire night to think about it), I decided I needed to make sure he was okay myself.

And the sheets, they came later. A carefully planned reward.

I can't figure out if this is a healthy coping mechanism or just a crutch. But whatever. I have new sheets!!!


I've been clenching my jaw like a madwoman on crack lately. Not that I know what a madwoman on crack would actually do with her jaw, but I suspect at least some of the time there'd be some vice grip action going on.

The last time I was at the dentist I was soundly chastized for my grinding activities. So much so that she actually took a picture of one of my more seriously worn teeth and blew it up on screen so I could get a really good look at it.

It was bigger than my head. Alarming for that reason alone, frankly.

She then proceeded to show me one of her own perfectly formed, pristine teeth - the same one as the mangled, head-size one still leering at me from the computer monitor.

It was horrifying and humiliating all at once.

God, I love doctors.

I'm kind of hoping I get a lecture on grinding at my next appointment (which I need to make soon so they'll stop leaving messages for me in that cheery, "it'll-be-quick-and-painless-and-really-fun-and-happy" dentist tone they use when they're trying to lure you in for a cleaning). I might need to explain to her - at length and in great detail - exactly why I'm a helpless slave to the grinding, especially now.

I bet that would be even more fun than taunting someone who grinds with your magical, perfect tooth.

I neeeeeeeed to start getting some exercise. I need exercise way more than I needed those sheets. And probably more than I need to go to the dentist, truth be told.

The stress is killing me softly. And fattening me up nicely.

I reward myself a lot - with fleece sheets sometimes, but more often it's with chocolate. And I really must find a better way to cope with the stress of worrying about and caring for my parents - and then worrying about what bits of my own life are sliding while I'm preoccupied with them.

I worry all the time. Then when I do something hard, I reward myself with crap I shouldn't eat or stuff I don't need to buy. Then I feel guilty. Then I worry about that for a bit, then I go back to worrying about whatever it was that I was worried about before I decided I had to reward myself.

And so on, and so on.

I'm clearly in a downward spiral of chocolate eating and sheet buying and endless worrying.

Maybe I'll go for a walk tomorrow morning after a good night's sleep on my new fleece-y sheets. Which are, of course, chocolate-coloured. I'm nothing if not consistent.


loribeth said...

We really must be related. (Although I like my sheets percale, minimum 300 thread count.) My motto has always been "when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping," lol. And yes, that sometimes includes a stop at the Godiva or Laura Secord shop. (I also have a weakness for buying multiples of brightly coloured Tshirts at the Gap or Old Navy, & lip gloss at Sephora or the Clinique counter. I don't want to tell you how many shades of pink lip gloss I own.) I also grind my teeth, don't exercise enough & could really stand to lose 25-40 pounds. My parents are both well at the moment (knock wood), but I have other stresses in my life. I really need to get back to a yoga class -- that was something I really enjoyed & found helpful in de-stressing. Writing helps too, I think. ; )

areyoukiddingme said...

I really, really want some fleece sheets, but I think I'd get too hot in them (Oddly, I get extremely hot when I sleep, while I'm usually very cold the rest of the day).

I think we go through periods of having to treat ourselves to things that are not necessary or good for us. But, we just have to be careful to not let that habit overtake our lives. Moderation in everything - even self-soothing, I guess.

Hennifer said...

I SO relate to the last portion of your post. Well and the first with the love of fleece sheets.

I worry, I soothe with bad habits, worry about that for a bit, give up and then worry about things like money, bad habits, repeat...