Wednesday, November 01, 2006

It was fun, but I'm glad it's only once a year

Another Halloween come and gone. Surely one of the cruelest holidays for bereaved parents with no little ones at home.

We treated an endless stream of adorably clad princesses, pirates, monkeys, witches, tigers, assorted dead things and even a chicken during the course of the evening. We figure we welcomed at least 80 little Halloweenies last night.

80 children that belonged to other people.

And oddly enough, we had a really good time. After all, what could be cuter than a tiny lion peering wide-eyed and unafraid at the giant spider on your door. Or "pido", as she called it.

I guess if you can't manage a live child of your own, having 80 of them come to your door isn't half bad.

Except that it kind of is. It kind of hurts like tabasco sauce in an open wound when you're on the outside looking in at a holiday made especially for the one thing that seems increasingly out of your reach.

But we made the best of it, laughing with our neighbours as we sat on the porch and handed out Tootsie Rolls and Doritos to the spooky hoards.

I thought about my Thomas a lot last night. He and I had a quiet little chat in the living room before things got too busy. I told him he'd have been the cutest little trick or treater on the street, and I told him for the 9 millionth time how much I love him and how desperately I miss him.

Then I bundled up and went outside with My Beloved and smiled into the night; into the street lit with pumpkins and alive with the sound of shrieks, squeals and children's laughter.


miraclebaby said...

I'm sorry. I know pretty much all holidays end up being centered around other children. I hate that Thomas can't share those times with you. And I heard so many of the "maybe it's not meant to be" or "maybe God is waiting for you to 'give it to Him'".... it never helped.

vixanne wigg said...

I'm sorry. I know that last year we boarded up the house (okay...not literally...just turned all the lights off) and were Halloween curmugeons. You're a lot braver than we are.

kate said...

Yes, i have to say that you are very brave...i'm sorry that it all has to be so hard....

Denise said...

That's the trouble with holidays...they take you to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I'm glad that you had each other...and hopefully a little chocolate.

Katie said...

I, too, hid out the past few years of Halloween. Dark doorstep, blinds closed. Just couldn't bear seeing other peoples' cutenesses.

This year we're in a new house so I braved the onslaught of cuteness. A few beers helped with the courage. And I had some fun, too.