Thursday, October 25, 2007

All over the place

I've been thinking a lot about the twins today, as though I suddenly just remembered them.

Grief is weird. For some odd reason they finally seem like real little people to me, and they've been gone for more than two months.
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Last night I lay in bed with my hands on my tummy. I can't believe how many little people have been in there. How many babies have slipped in and out so quickly and quietly. And, in most cases, dramatically.

There's nothing quite as jarring as the doughy emptiness of a tummy after a miscarriage or three.
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I got a new pair of glasses that I think are very cool and that I think look very cool on me. But to be honest, I'm also secretly a little worried that I look like Mrs. Beesley in them.

Please tell me I'm wrong about the latter...


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I have an adorable picture of my friend's baby boy wearing one of Thomas' outfits, but I keep forgetting to ask her if I can post it here.

I hope she says yes. Poke. Poke. Poke.
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Still no word from the OB on my blood tests. I'm calling on Monday if I don't hear anything by the end of the week. I've been very patient, but I neeeeeeed to know.

Someone asked - they're looking for clotting disorders.

A clotting disorder will go nicely with my deformed uterus, I think. It's what all the best dressed infertiles are wearing this season.
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The other day on my way a meeting I was passing Toys 'R Us when a parade of employees marched directly in front of my path wielding all the big, key nursery necessities for a customer leading the pack. I slowed down to let the crib pass and shot an eye roll heaven-ward.

He thinks he's sooooooo funny.
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Last night I dreamed that Scary Spice and I were running through rivers of mud trying to catch up with my Dad, who I thought might have found my missing purse.

I don't have any idea what this means.

But just in case there's any truth in the dream and you happen to be in a similar situation, don't EVER accidentally fling mud in Scary Spice's hair. She really hates that.
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We lost the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness magnet somewhere in the depths of the car wash last night.

The car feels completely naked now. I didn't realize how much I needed the magnet until it blew off in the multi-coloured streams of soap and disappeared.

I'm. So. Needy.

I have ordered a new magnet and will try to ignore the nakedness for the time being.
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Grief. Scary Spice. Car magnets.

I'm spent.

16 comments:

Julia said...

All that and a parade from TRU? Damn, that was too much.
I hope the magnet arrives soon.

Ruby said...

I think your glasses are way cool and you look beautiful in them!

I'm sorry your having to deal with so much.

Aurelia said...

I LOVE the glasses!

Lori said...

You're gorgeous, as always! And your new glasses look great!

((hugs))

Kathy McC said...

You look beautiful!

Catherine said...

I think Mrs. Beesley's glasses were gold, weren't they?

Just kidding...you do look very cool in your new glasses.

Can I just say that I HATE the fact that Toys R Us has baby stuff?!?! I thought that's what Babies R Us was supposed to be for! No place is safe anymore!

Shinny said...

LOVE the glasses and you can keep Scary Spice with you. ;)

Hope you have a better weekend.

ess said...

Again with the losing of the purse.

Heather said...

Man, this post is just full! Gives me lots of stuff for commenty goodness.

The glass: I adore them! They go so well with your hair color and face shape. They are superb! You absolutely do not look like Mrs. Weasley. Not even a tiny bit.

It is a great photo of you two.

Scary spice - she always scared the shit out of me. She would always pose so manically in the group photos that I was sure she was going off set and hurting puppies.

Did you lose your purse? Or just in the dream? Did I miss something?

I hope you get your magnet soon. It is amazing how things affect us, I can totally see why this is important to you.

The parade is just too much. I'm glad you were able to roll your eyes at it. I'm afraid I would have just melted into a puddle of tears in my seat.

Most importantly, the twins. I am still so sorry that they couldn't stay.

My uncle just died, his funeral is on Monday. I am going through the stages of grief right now. I know in my heart that as much as I miss him, it in no ways compares to the grief you feel. That makes me sad. I hate that you have to go through this for your babies.

Kim said...

You're so pretty, really. And those glasses are awesome! I love them!

DinosaurD said...

Okay, people may hate me for saying this but the glasses do look a lot like Mrs. Beasley's (I'm old enough to remember). However, you would need to cut the hair and perm and dye before you would enter the scary zone (perhaps even scarier than aforementioned spice girl). As you are, I'm digging the glasses (to keep with the retro theme).
DinoD

meg said...

I love your glasses. And yes, they are cool--no question.

I'm sorry about the empty tummy. I've got the same thing going on here too. Not fun at all.

And I know, I've said this before, but I am so sorry about your twins too.

Rosepetal said...

Your glasses are great. I've been thinking about changing my glasses to that type. (I currently have the frameless type).

Treatments do exist for clotting orders. That's the only thing I can say about them. I have a mild clotting disorder which may or may not have had something to do with V's death.

Many hugs for you and the twins. I so wish all your children were here with you, but they are somewhere all hanging out together, I'm sure of it.

Chili said...

The glasses are awesome! You look fantastic in them!

I'm sorry you lost your magnet - hope the new one arrives soon!

And I hope an answer to your losses arrives soon too, so that you can be the leader of a TRU baby stuff parade of your own.

JMB said...

Fab glasses! They look great!

Sunny said...

You look beautiful!