Last night I had a nightmare and woke up to find I'm living it.
So it seems the dreams about Thomas - the bad ones - are now starting to come. I had one terrible nightmare the day after I came home from the hospital, but since then I've been pretty much spared. I actually had a really sweet dream about him once - I woke up smiling. But now the nightmares are coming. They're creeping into my otherwise generally benign dreams and inflicting pain I once only felt in my waking hours.
I thought I was going to avoid this, but I guess my head just gave me a six month reprieve, that's all.
The weird thing is the nightmares aren't scary or weird - they're horrific because they're so fact based. They ARE real in so many ways.
I've gotten used to night being my refuge from the pain, and now even that isn't safe anymore.
But maybe it's a good sign. Maybe it means I've healed enough to be able to tackle it in my dreams too. Maybe I don't need the refuge anymore.
But why does it feel like I do?