Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The remedy for wallowing

Okay, so you know what helps to combat wallowing in self pity (other than wallowing in a vat of chocolate)? Spending $75 on yarn and Christmas decorations at Michael's.

I was practically giddy.

We have a system, My Beloved and I, that allows this kind of frivolous spending. It's called "fun money" and we each get a certain amount of it every month that we can spend on absolutely anything that tickles our fancies. And for me, the more unnecessary and cozy-inducing, the better.

I needed the yarn, but the tiny silver Christmas tree and accompanying ornaments (including a tiny tree skirt, a tiny garland, tiny balls, and tiny little lights)? Nope - didn't need any of that. But I pictured it up in our little sitting room (converted from a nursery oh so long ago now) and I pictured My Beloved and I curled up on the futon watching It's a Wonderful Life in the glow of the tiny, fully dressed tree - and I had to have it.

I'm not going to apologize for this either. I know I could have put the money to better use. I could have donated it or bought a pair of dress pants (which I'm desperately in need of) or gotten a much-needed haircut. But aside from the fact that none of those things are supposed to come out of our fun money, I needed to do what I did. I didn't need the things themselves, but I needed to have them just the same.

Trust me, it makes sense.

When you're sad and struggling so much and you find a way to make yourself happy and excited, even for a few minutes, you do it. And you revel in it. You buy the package of tiny sparkling candy canes for your little silver Christmas tree and you don't look back.


Katie said...

I know exactly what you mean on so many levels. First of all, bravo on the play money. i think every couple needs to have a small allowance to spend as each person pleases without having to account for it (unless it's illegal). Second, SO VERY GLAD you converted the nursery to a sitting room. My Prince and I did the same and we've gotten so much enjoyment out of it. So much so that I often forget what it was originally supposed to be! And third, you bought what you needed and I understand what you mean by need--you wouldn't cease to exist if you didn't have the tree but your spirit needed it. Do show pictures!

And go buy the dress pants with your next fun mon, hon.

kate said...

For sure...i personally will go for shopping over chocolate most of the glad you got a cute little tree! Now put it away, it is not even Halloween yet!!

miraclebaby said...

I totally know what you mean. I wish we had more of a budget for fun money. Three cheers for cozy-inducing purchases.