Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What now?

What happens when you've both reached your collective breaking point? When the road ahead is just too steep to climb? When the answer is "let's stop" instead of "let's do everything in our power" - because suddenly, and without warning, you've reached the point where you think you have done everything in your power?

I thought I would go to the ends of the earth to have another child of our own.

I didn't know the gods would actually make me walk all the way to that precipice and just leave me standing there in agony.

26 comments:

Erin said...

(((((HUGS)))))

Shelli said...

I've been reading your blog for a very long time now. Our situations are different (similar in some ways), but I can't tell you how many times I read your posts and how they resonate with me.

I've thought I reached the stopping point a few times, only to change my mind... full well knowing the end is much nearer for me than it used to be.

Hugs to you for being strong enough to feel your fears.

Kristen said...

I wish I had some pearls of wisdom...but I don't. All I can tell you is that there are people like myself who are thinking of you and praying for you - for peace - for the continuing love of each other - for understanding - whatever decision you make.

HUGS

Rosepetal said...

Oh Kristin, I also don't have any wise words. They would just sound empty. I wish only happiness for you and Sandy, in whatever form you can find it.

Catherine said...

Oh my...what happened? I hope you're ok. {{{hugs}}}

katherine said...

I'm really sorry. That's got to be so, so hard.

lissa said...

huge hugs and much love to you

Denise said...

(((hugs))) - I wish I knew what to say that would make things better.

Terynn said...

Dearest Kristen:

There are no words for me to write that will help. Just know that others stand with you in your grief and searching. Praying that you know you are not Alone.

delphi said...

Thinking of you.

Kim said...

I am with Catherine, wondering what happened...

I know you'll share when and if you feel ready about the results of the appt.

I am praying, that there is some resolution, that you have peace, and true joy, whereever you find yourselves landing.

Sherry said...

Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

I, too, wish I could say something or do anything to make all of this better in some way. You and Sandy deserve so much happiness instead of more disappointing news.

Praying and hoping for you both.

Nina-SOS said...

There are so many people who want nothing but happiness for you and Sandy and are hearts break for you. I know I felt like I had done everything I possibly could to have another child. The devastation is indescribable when you reach that point. Sometimes the journey has to take a turn you never thought you could do. Sometimes that turn works out and sometimes it doesn't. Thinking of you and sending many hugs your way.

kate said...

I'm sorry and i have nothing constructive to say. I just wish for some happiness for you. It is all so very unfair.

kimberm_71 said...

((Kristin)) I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer. Thinking of you. ((hugs))

DinosaurD said...

I am guessing this has something to do with results from Saturday?

I also wish there was something that I could do but I know that's probably not the case. If you need someone to just confide in or bounce ideas off of you know you could simply e-mail me, right?

I am kick-ass strong and I promise that anything you said to me would not break my heart for you or about you or cause me any kind of irreparable damage (and there is nothing that I need from you to boot). Think about it.

DinoD
e-mail: dinosaurdm@hotmail.com

JMB said...

While it probably doesn't help in the least, I've stared down that chasm too, and it's a horrible place to be. The "what now?" looks that you exchange with each other.

I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I do offer my prayers. The two of you have weathered a lot together, and you can make it through this, wherever this path takes you.

Bronwyn said...

Thinking of you, knowing that nothing can take the hurt away... just sending you a big virtual (((hug)))...

BasilBean said...

Kristin,
I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending my love and prayers for you and Sandy.

Julie said...

(((((Kristin))))) Thinking of you and sending lots of love and prayers.

Sophia said...

Came here from lost and found. I so know what you're going through I had this moment about an year ago. Sending good thought your way

Aurelia said...

So what happened? Did they find scarring? Did you get terrible news?

I know you may feel like you need to quit, for emotional reasons, but if it's medical reasons, think about getting a second opinion.

I'll be praying for you.

Gusgirl said...

Kristin,

Please know that I am praying for you and Sandy.

((((HUGS))))

B said...

That really really really sucks.

Here is my prayer for you and your beloved.

May you hold each other in this - the last - of your many greifs for your children.

May you by held by those around you as you let go of this precious hope.

May you, in time, let go, and open your heart to new things in life.

May you finally find a place to rest.

May your garden grow.

Sending my tears for you, and a joint scream at God/the universe. What you have been through, it's so unfair. It is just so unfair.

Holding this precious

love, tears, and a long slow outbreath

Barbara

B said...

I also want to say - I hope you don't stop writing about your journey.

I need you.

Barbara

Michael Lerner said...

I've been reading your blog for what seems like forever, but is really around 2 years (is that actually forever?).

You're a strong, amazing woman. I just hope you know that people all over the world are thinking of you, and wishing good things for you.