Friday, July 27, 2007

Many thanks to the universe

In a nutshell, it was nice while it lasted.

The OB is 95% sure I'm going to miscarry. There's sac growth - enough that there should be plenty of evidence of life within them - but there's still no sign of anyone. Just two gaping black holes staring vacantly out from the computer monitor.

To cover their assess, the OB suggested I go back Wednesday for ultrasound #5. If I haven't miscarried by then, he said.

We are comfortably numb.

And I am a spectacular failure.

64 comments:

Julie said...

((((Kristin))))

kate said...

Oh Kristin, i am so sorry...(((((hugs))))))

scape1224 said...

Kristin, I am so, so sorry.

((hugs))

Teresa said...

I'm so sorry to hear... :o(
{{{BIG HUG}}}

Erin said...

(((((KRISTIN)))))

Megan said...

This is so unfair.

MB said...

Dammit. I'm so sorry. And, YOU are not a failure.

Shinny said...

I am so sorry that you received that terrible news. As always, hoping that they are wrong.
(((((Hugs))))) to both of you.

Laura said...

Oh, Kristin. Oh I'm just sick for you. I'm so, so sorry. And no, you are absolutely NOT a failure.
(((huge hugs)))

A bug's life said...

I dont know what to say because my words dont matter....what do i know about your pain, nothing....how is anything i say can mean anything to a woman who had endured so much that it makes me sick to think, it is still not the end for your journey....but you are not a failure, if anything you are a person i am proud to know and a woman i wish to be, if i am ever in a life wrenching pain you are in. You are in my thoughts...I wish i could say or do more...i really do...my heart breaks for you...I am so sorry

niobe said...

That's just devastating. I can't begin to express how sorry I am and how monstrously unfair this is.

(also, you are so not a failure).

Jill said...

Dammit!! I am so, so sorry. You are NOT a failure either. This is just supremely unfair and it sucks andI'm just so sorry (((HUGS)))

Sara said...

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. It's just so unfair.

DinosaurD said...

When will the universe realize that you are too tough a nut to crack - no matter how much is thrown at you? And that alone makes you several times removed from being a failure.
I've been in your position enough times to know how difficult it is to wait for future ultrasounds when things are not looking good. I will be thinking of you guys a lot for the next few days.
And tell me why it is that I think of Thomas so often when I look at my daughter?????
Hugs, hugs and more hugs.
DinoD

Denise said...

I am so sorry (((hugs)))

Jenna said...

I am so sorry (((hugs)))

Woman who knits said...

((((((((Hugs))))))))

I'm so sorry.

Nicole said...

Oh no! I am so upset for you and Sandy. Even the biggest strongest (((hugs))) I can send your way dont seem like enough

Catherine said...

Damn it all! I'm sorry. I could tell you you're not a failure, but you're not going to hear it right now. So just know that I'm sending my love to you and your beloved.

Erin A said...

I am so so sorry!! Prayers to you and your family.

Ruby said...

I am so sorry.
(((((((HUGS)))))))

Chrissy said...

I'm so very sorry for your losses.
((((((hugs))))

Julia said...

Dammit! How humongously unfair!
I am so so sorry.

But you are most certainly not a failure.

Angel Mom said...

I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. {{Hugs}}

r_is_moody said...

I am so sorry. This just isn't fair and really sucks.

(((((kristen)))))

Heather said...

You are not a failure.

You are lovely.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm praying for you guys.

ARA said...

I am so very sorry!!! You are not a failure!!!

Kim said...

I am so sorry. This sucks, so much. I am praying for you guys.

Kathy McC said...

:-( I am so sorry.

Nina-SOS said...

I'm sorry just doesn't seem to cut it. You are most certainly NOT a failure.

Lori (mediamom) said...

HUGE (((((hugs))))) Kristin. I'm so sorry.

Marie (marie_k_78) said...

Kristin, I am so sorry. You and Sandy will be in my prayers.

Jay said...

I am heartbroken that you are going through this. It is just completely unfair. I am thinking of you and Sandy so much.

Ps. You are not even for one second a failure.

cjzben said...

sorry, I managed to post my last comment still logged in as Jay....he is heartbroken for you too though :(

mylove4my3 said...

Well, I am new to writing you, but I have been following your story since ivillage... I am so terribly sorry for your news, but keep thinking about my story. I went to have a D&C almost 3 years ago, because I was told by 3 Doctors that the sac was empty. One very last US before the procedure revealed a HB. I am SO hoping this will be your story as well!! And please don't think so badly of yourself, I wish I was half the woman you are.

BethGo said...

I'm so sorry.
(((hugs)))

BTW, I agree, the ultrasounds over and over are the worst and no, you are not a failure. Never.

Sarah said...

I know it doesn't help much to hear that i don't think you are a failure...

It is unfair and horrible.

I am so sorry.

Lori said...

Oh, I just never, ever expected to hear this. I really didn't...

I'm so sorry. It may be foolish of me, but I am going to hold onto hope just a little longer.

I understand your numbness, and even your feelings of failure (although I hope you know intellectually that you are wrong, even if it feels that way emotionally).

Abby said...

I wish there were some magic words that could take away your pain, but since I know there aren't, I'll just say I'm so, so sorry and I'm here if you need anything at all.

H&S and prayers tonight and always...

The Asbury Family said...

I'm so sad for the loss of all of the promise that this new pregnancy gave you.

Huge ((hugs)) to you and yours for this big blow. I'm so deeply sad for you. (and I'm hopeful that by some small miracle you prove that Dr. wrong and have a good next apt.).

I'm so sorry it wasn't the joyful, reassuring apt you (and we) were hoping for.

((hugs))

three minute palaver said...

Kristin, I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

Rosepetal said...

I am so sad for you Kristin. This is so hard, all the hope that came with this pregnancy makes it even harder to have it dashed down again. Much love to you.

Lisa P. said...

Kristin, I wish I knew something better to say than I'm sorry... it seems so little comfort I'm sure, but know that I would do more if I could. ((((((hugs))))))

kimberm_71 said...

Kristin,

I just don't know what to say. I'm so, so very sorry. Many (((hugs))) to you and Sandy. P&PT coming your way too. I'm just so sorry.

missing_one said...

Oh..I'm sorry hun.
*hugs*

delphi said...

I wish that the words "I'm sorry" were enough to convey what I am feeling for you right now. They are not.

But, I am so, SO sorry.

Valerie said...

I am so sorry. I know there is nothing anyone can say that anyone can say to make you feel better. But will continue to hope and pray wed. ultrasound results are different. Just curious, but are your HCG levels still rising? Will your dr. wait for them to start dropping before doing anything?

I hope you and your beloved are sitting, holding one another and eating much chocolate.

BasilBean said...

Kristin, I want you to know I am thinking of you
((((((((((a million hugs))))))))))

SaraS-P said...

Oh no. I am so sorry.

You are not a failure.

I am just so sorry this is happening.

Cibele said...

I am so sorry!

Sherry said...

I'm so sorry, K.

xoxoxo

Inconceivable said...

so sorry to hear this horrible news

vixanne wigg said...

I just don't know what to say. Very very very sad for you. Just not fair.

wannabe mom said...

i am so incredibly sorry. thinking of you and sending big monster hugs to you. so f-ing unfair.

Angela said...

Oh my god, Kristin, no.

Oh, I am so sorry. So, so sorry.

I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Erin said...

I am so very, very sorry.

Margaret said...

Oh, Kristin, I'm so very sorry. I'll be sending PPT, and keeping a little bit of hope burning.

Aurelia said...

Kristin, I'm so so sorry. This is just the worst shite. I'll pray for you tonight.

Baby Blues said...

I'm so sorry.

Chelle said...

(((Kristin))) I am so sorry. This just isn't right.
Jamie

Carrie said...

Failure doesn't come in to it....but heartbreak does. I'm so sorry, I wish there was something I could say that would actually help. But I know there isn't. I'm sorry.

Gusgirl said...

Kristin,

There are no words to express how deeply saddened I am for you.

I'm so sorry.

(((((HUGS)))) and prayers.

Anita

Cheek said...

Oh, no. No. I am so sorry, Kristin. So, so sorry.

Thalia said...

MsFitza i'm so, so sorry, this is awful news. Just awful.