Friday, July 15, 2005

A peek at the end

I had an awful nightmare last night. To make a long (and sad and confusing) story short, everyone decided that I was too sad to live now. No one wanted to be my friend and they decided that I should be "put to sleep." My Grandma (who has been dead for 15 years and presumably knows how it feels when you die) told me what the doctors would do and how it would feel. I didn't want to know (actually, I didn't want to DIE) so I ran around the corner to escape the sound of her voice.

Running around the corner turned into me turning to the last page of a book (which happened to be the book of my life). On the last page I discovered that I had, in fact, been euthanized. Horrified, I ran back around the corner hoping to turn back time and escape my fate. But I knew I couldn't - I'd peeked an knew what was coming.

Then I woke up, almost as horrified as I'd been in my dream. Not, as one might presume, at the fact that I'd been handed a death sentence, but because no one wanted to be around me and they all figured I was better off dead.

I'm fairly certain that no one in my real, waking life thinks I'm better of dead (and if you do, please don't tell me) but I hope that I'm not too sad to be around now. I know I'm different - I know sometimes I'm quieter than I used to be and even I catch myself lost in thought, 1000 miles away, pondering what could have been - what should have been. But I don't think I'm broken beyond I?

1 comment:

=^..^=A Script Kitty=^..^= said...

You're totally not broken beyond repair. Look at how far you've come!
You have so much to give.
Love you,
"the other"