I woke up thinking about my little boy this morning. He was just there, sitting in my head waiting to say "hi!". It was quiet and peaceful laying there thinking about him - one of the rare times that it didn't feel like a kick in the gut. I love those moments, but they're still too few and far between.
I often think about him in a quiet, peaceful way when my beloved and I are out for a walk at night. As the street lights cast our shadows ahead of us on the sidewalk I pretend I can see a small shadow dancing between our two larger ones. I picture the little shadow skipping along just behind us or, sometimes, holding each of our hands.
I know it sounds like a sad thought (and in fact it's making me cry right now) but when we're out walking together, holding hands and really connecting, I feel Thomas with us. And then I feel like we're a family. Those evening walks are when I'm most aware that there's not just the two of us but, in fact, that we're a family of three.
It's been too hot out to walk the last week or so, so I wonder if that's why Thomas was with me when I woke up this morning. It's not like I don't think about him each and every day, but I haven't connected with him in that quiet way in a while. Maybe he missed me as much as I missed him.
I'd like to think so.