This is my third attempt at an entry. I can't seem to wrap my head around one, coherent train of thought long enough to keep it from derailing.
Except that one.
I have too many things in my head and not enough time or energy to spill it all out on to the screen in an orderly, readable fashion I guess.
I'm craving cookies and missing Thomas. I'm tired and happy. Well, mostly happy. But I'm a little lost too. And wishing I could turn back time. Go back to 1989 and dance to Madonna. Go back to 1994 and start my first real job. Go back to 1996 and have one too many Caesars with lunch. Go back to 1999 and go on date with My Beloved. Go back to 2001 and plan our wedding. Go back to 2005 and hold Thomas again, just one more time.
I'm distressed that I'm not savoring NOW the way I know I should. I'm always wishing I was somewhere I've already been or somewhere I have yet to go. I have moments of peace, and I appreciate what I have - but not the way I wish I could. Not the way I do when I'm looking back on those moments as memories.
I have no idea why.
It's good to have fond memories to look back on (even those precious few bittersweet moments with Thomas), but it would be nice if I could look on them with more than wistfulness and sorrow.
Does everyone do this? Get misty-eyed and sad when they think of happy times gone by?
I try very, very hard to heed this advice:
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
But I for some reason I can't. I guess I'm just too good at crying now. Or maybe I always have been and life just continues to help me hone my skills.
Where's that picture of Lucy??