Thursday, July 06, 2006

Is that an ultrasound wand or are you just happy to see me?

We took our very first baby step (if you'll pardon the pun) into the wonderful world of fertility treatments this morning. It was our first day of testing at the clinic.

I keep wondering how many steps will follow this one - and what the end of our journey will bring - but a wise friend and my wise Beloved have both told me to stop thinking of the entire process and focus on each small victory along the way. And despite appearances to the contrary, that's what I'm trying to do.

So score one for me.

Today I gave up a thousand and one vials of blood, submitted to two ultrasounds (neither one overly pleasant) and waited with my similarly bandaged spouse to find out if my innards were in working order.

Affirmative. Well, as much as they can tell from two ultrasounds. Our blood tests will be back later today, and I return next week for more probing and pricking - from Thursday until I ovulate.

What fun. But all for a good cause, right?

All for a good cause.

Oh Lord, how did I get here? That's what I was wondering as I was lay on the exam table this morning, gazing heavenward at the slightly askew ceiling tiles while a strange woman I'd only just met took pictures of my insides - from the inside - with an enormous wand.

This is just not how it should be. I know the world doesn't owe me anything and I know that many, many people have it far worse than we do, but after what we've been through I think it's the ultimate slap in the face that we need help getting pregnant. It's not fair. It's not fair at all, damn it.

And I have nowhere to register my complaint.

So my only option is to keep going - to keep thinking about the next step and to keep summoning the courage to take it.

I so need a cookie.


sillyhummingbird said...

I am sorry you had to go through all of that. It isn't fair--but you are right--a step in the right direction. Thinking of you and hoping all goes your way.

Bronwyn said...

Despite all the poking and prodding, be thankful that you're getting expedient service. What I wouldn't give to be poked and prodded at this point! I had to wait 3 months for an appointment with a specialist, where he merely took my history and sent me for blood tests, which he asked me to have done at least *4 weeks* before the next appointment so that they would get the results in time. So six months after deciding to try to figure out what going on, we're not much closer to having an answer. I've got an appointment in 2 weeks, where one can only hope he'll do more than ask me a load of questions. *sigh*

Sorry for the rant, I'm just very frustrated with all of this! I hope you get some answers soon so you can get back in the saddle with this whole baby-making thing. We shouldn't have to deal with this on top of everything else!

Abby said...

Sending you a dozen virtual cookies -- the magical peanut butter kind! Just keep taking things one day (and one cookie) at a time. H&S!

Rosemarie said...

Congrats on taking the first step. I agree with your friend. Take each little victory at a time.
Enjoy those well deserved cookies!

Erin said...

I'm rooting for you guys!!!

Sherry said...

It's a baby step (pun intended!) and a small victory - but good nonetheless. Hopefully you won't need a long series of baby steps before reaching that beautiful, long-awaited goal. (((HUGS)))

Anonymous said...

Oh Krisitn you have had alot to go through and its sooo not fair that its taking so much work to get pregnant I wish I could make it happen faster for you....Im praying that it goes very well and you get some positive news soon. Tons of cookies coming your way!!