Observations from inside the clinic

The building on the corner of the street where we turn up to get to the fertility clinic is called Siemens. I have to give God a nod for that one. Comedic irony at its finest.

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There's no "face of infertility". I see women of all ages, races and sizes waiting for blood draws and ultrasounds, just like me.

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Sitting in a small meeting room with your husband while a doctor tells you when to have sex isn't as embarrassing as I thought it might be. I did, however, still want to giggle.

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Ultrasound technicians probably don't really want to chat while they're fiddling with the wand up your hoo-ha. I learned this while attempting to make small talk at my appointment on Sunday. It's good to know that I don't have to feel rude laying there saying nothing.

I haven't done it, but I'm guessing that critiquing their performance probably isn't a good idea either.

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Saying "thank you" to someone who has just finished taking pictures of your innards will always feel weird, but somehow necessary.

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The more times you have someone exploring your lady bits, the less humiliating it becomes - and the more curious you get about what's actually going on in there.

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They never EVER tell you any of this stuff in health class - and I'm sure they never will.

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The paper robes they give you to change into aren't pretty or particularly flattering, but they're a hell of a lot nicer than the giant paper towel you get at the family doctor - when you're completely naked.

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Fear of the unknown is a powerful thing indeed. I resisted seeking intervention for longer than I should have, particularly at my age, because I didn't want to do any of the stuff we're doing right now.

But you know what? It's not so bad. I know it's VERY early days, but so far it's still just good to have someone else worrying about all of this for a while. That's carrying me along quite nicely for the time being.

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Occasionally I still wonder how on earth I ended up here and I frequently wonder what's next, but I'm still trying really, really hard to take it one step at a time.

This task would be easier if I hadn't looked up treatments for adhesions and scar tissue on the internet this afternoon. I don't know that I have them, but I'm now good and terrified about getting rid of them if I do.

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My Mother never told me that one day I'd be on pins and needles wondering what the size of my follicles is going to be tomorrow.

I probably won't tell my daughter that either - if I ever get one.