Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The post in which I prove I'm bi-polar

So I was thinking about having twins. I realize I can't just wish them into existence (wouldn't that be handy though?), but for some reason yesterday I was able to believe that it might actually be possible not only to conceive, but to conceive two healthy take-home babies.

I told you I was bi-polar.

The twins would be girls, and it would mean that I wouldn't have to choose between the two girl names My Beloved and I already have picked out (he likes one, I like the other).

See? Wouldn't it be so neat and tidy for the Clomid fairy to bring us twins? That would be a whole family in one shot, complete with big brother Thomas watching vigilantly from what I imagine is probably the nicest cloud in the heavens - certainly the one closest to the chocolate dispenser, anyway.

Clomid increases the risk of having twins by 10%, according to something I was reading the other day. I managed to fall into the 1% of people who experience a massive abruption, and Thomas landed squarely in the 15% of babies for whom abruption is fatal, so I think a 10% twin risk is well within our fighting range.

Or maybe I'm just insane. Could be.

I'm not completely out of my mind though. Most of me still finds it next to impossible to believe that I'll ever hold a live, wiggling, screaming baby of my own, but I suppose it's a good thing that I'm willing to entertain the notion that there could be a different ending to our story one day. I don't necessarily believe it, but I can entertain it. That's something, right?

Last night, just before we drifted off to sleep, I whispered to My Beloved, asking if he still truly believed we would have another baby. In the dim light of the hall night light I saw him nod his head and smile almost imperceptibly.

Peace flooded my body and I slept.


JellyJen said...

Twin girls...I love that! I hope the Clomid fairy is good to you. ((HUGS))

Lisa P. said...

I think you and I are twins separated at birth. :) Seriously, sometimes we think too much alike!! I'm referring to the bi-polar leanings (LOL), although I too would love to have twin girls. (G, not so much - twin *anything* scares him.) ;-)

Sarah said...

:) I don't think it's bipolar!! Just our fun mix of optimism tempered with some of the worst outcomes out there. Glad to hear the Clomid hasn't taken away all of your hope.


And thanks for letting me know that you were thinking about Kate. :) It makes me smile... and it doesn't feel stalkerish at all.

Sherry said...

See ... I told you I thought of twins when I saw the pic of your mourning dove babies. ;-)

Rosemarie said...

Twins would be such a blessing. I'm sure it doesn't mean much, but I totally think you'll have a baby one day. I can imagine your posts about endless sleepless nights, toys everywhere, your cat stealing binkies...and you with a big smile on your face. I can see it.

Denise said...

I'm thinking girl twins as well...just as cute as the little girl drawing your beloved did on his blog post. (((hugs)))

Bronwyn said...

It's so nice to hear you had a peaceful sleep induced by positive fertility thoughts. Twin girls sound just lovely!

I, too, ponder the stats on occasion. Lydia was also the victim of a placental abruption (complete, in her case). So, I was in the less than 1% of women who lose their babies past 20 weeks and now I'm in the 1% of women who enter menopause before the age of 40. I should go buy a lottery ticket!

Jules2pies4me said...

I believe! I truly do!!!!!

Wait let me just make myself clear- about you having another baby, not about being bipolar LOL