Sunday, November 20, 2005

A name I'll never write

I thought I could start writing my Christmas cards, but I can't. I did two and had to quit. It's early, I know, but I like to get them all ready to go so I can drop them in the mail for the beginning of December. I've always liked to wish people a Merry Christmas while there's still time for them to actually enjoy the season before the mad rush of shopping, parties and preparation sets in.

So I got all my supplies out and ready to go - and only made it through two.

It just feels so sad. Lead weight crushing the air out of your chest, sad. Last year when I wrote our Christmas cards Thomas was just a few months away from being born and I had all the hope in the world. He was with me as I sat and wrote each card. Now he's just a memory.

Do I write about him in the cards? Do I include his picture? Do I use the cards as an opportunity to tell our dearest friends and family how much their unending support has meant to us since Thomas died?

I have no idea.

All I can think of is that his name should be on the cards. They should end with "Love K, S and Thomas". But, of course, they can't.

So I can't write them yet. Not today, anyway.

5 comments:

Catherine said...

And that is THE reason I'm not doing cards this year. Last year they read, "Steve, Cathy, Sam, and Baby #2." I was so foolish.

Julie said...

(((((hugs)))))
I couldn't do Christmas cards the first Christmas Caleb was gone. I just couldn't even deal with the THOUGHT of it. But now I have decided that I will do them, and find a way to include Caleb. He IS still a part of my family. Nothing changes that, and I need to recognize him. Last year I wrote his name and did a little ~i~ sign by his name. This year I am getting a little dragonfly stamp to represent him in each card. Alot of people seem to do this too using footprints, butterflies, angels, or whatever. The thing is, if you can do the cards this year, then great. If you can't handle it, that is ok too. And if you want to include him, find a special little way to do it. I hate that you have to do any of this. (((((hugs))))

kate said...

What Julie said...and what Catherine said too. I *did* do cards the year Nicolas died -- basically i have alot of people i exchange *only* xmas cards with and the previous year i had announced that we were expecting, so i felt like i had to do *something*. So to those people who didn't know, i wrote what happened. To everyone else, i put in a poem, and i got a butterfly stamp for Nicolas. In some i signed his name, in others i did not -- depends on who was getting the card and what i thought their reaction would be. So that's how i still do it...((((hugs))))) to you, and what Julie says is very true -- if it is too much, just don't do it. Some things are not worth the pain, you just have to decide how important it is to you...

deadbabymama said...

We don't do many cards to begin with, and last year we only sent one, to my grandmother in Florida. We did abbreviated parcels, too, but we've been scaling back on gifts for a few years now. Like Kate I think this is something you really need to make a choice about whether you want to do this year or not, and no one will blame you for just skipping it this year. Okay, some people might be arsy enough to raise their eyebrows, but they just don't get it.

MB said...

We signed Audrey's name last year and did again this year. We did family portraits for the first time this year and included Audrey's bear in them in memory of her. It was the only way we knew to have her there with us. We had her in our bed every night since we got to the hospital. She's part of the family and I think it's only fair that she be included in our Christmas wises for family and friends. We sent out announcements when she was born because I just couldn't stand the thought that she could be ignored. I still feel that way and I hope it doesn't fade as time passes.