Tired

I'm tired. I spent the entire afternoon (okay, almost the entire afternoon) cleaning the basement in preparation for a ping pong tournament with our neighbours tomorrow.

It's quite amazing how much dust can accumulate underneath a ping pong table in a basement. Seriously, those were some menacing dust bunnies. I'm not sure, but I think one of them had a knife.

Anyway, given that the lady half of our neighbouring pair is 5 months pregnant I'm not sure how much of a "tournament" it will actually be (hmmm, I could probably really whip her ass) but it'll still be nice to hang out. It's supposed to be a rotten, snowy day so not having to drive anywhere but still being able to have a fun, social night is pretty sweet.

But of course first comes the cleaning, and so I'm pooped. I don't clean the basement nearly as often as I should, so when I do it always takes quite a bit of time and energy.

It took some mental energy too.

I lingered by one of Thomas' box of clothes at one point, and fleetingly considered opening it up. Instead I settled for just taking a quick peek through the side of the plastic tub. I saw stacks of receiving blankets - ones I can remember washing the day my Mom came over to help me set up the nursery. She sat at the kitchen table folding all his socks and blankets and sleepers, and later I put them all away in his dresser and closet. We were all set.

I stood up after taking my peek back into that now long ago world and, as I do so frequently, pondered the horrendous turn of events. I'm sure I've said this a thousand times in this blog, but I still can't believe he was here - and I am just shocked when I stop and consider that he's actually gone. My head still stubbornly refuses to fully grasp the concept sometimes. I can't quite figure out how it can still be as surreal as it is.

But then I suppose that's what mind-fucks do to you. They just keep on fucking you up.

Anyway, we have a clean basement. In the absence of the joy I thought would be in our lives right now I will take - and celebrate - every single accomplishment I can.

If only there was cake for a clean basement.