Thursday, March 22, 2007


I asked to be put on a cancellation list when I made my lap appointment because I didn't want to have to wait until May if there was any chance that I could sneak in earlier.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Damned hindsight.

Because, you see, they called me Tuesday to ask if I could take a cancellation. They called very early and woke me up and in my stupor I said yes.


And so my new appointment is next week. One week from today. ONE. WEEK. FROM. TODAY.

I couldn't be more freaked out if I tried. I've already requested Valium because I'm relatively sure I can't make it without some sort of strong hallucinatory drug intervention. And I mean drug intervention that begins long before I set sight on that big blue H sign.

Doing my pre-op blood work at the hospital was trauma enough. As soon as I got home and closed the front door I burst into tears.

Good Lord. What have I done?

This is all I can think about, so I apologize in advance for at least 6 more I AM FREAKED OUT BEYOND BELIEF posts between now and the surgery.

Please still love me.


Aurelia said...

Heyyyy, don't worry, I've had two, like I said before, easy...and if you are feeling nervous I could walk you through the whole thing step by step.

And if you still are nervous, I'm sure the doc can give you something.

Oh and I'm totally proud of you for getting on the cancellation list. Brilliant move! Because the sooner you get the lap, the sooner you can solve the issue, or find out there is no issue.

Abby said...

No apologies necessary. We all still love you, and you can't change that with a little (or big) freak out.

Also, Valium is good. I highly recommend it. H&S!

BasilBean said...

I totally understand your freaked-outness.

But I am also very glad to hear that the lap is happening so soon. I belive it is better to get things out of the way when you can.

Valium was a good idea.

I'm sending as much support as I can :)

niobe said...

I'm sure I'd be equally freaked out. But I'm also sure that you'll be fine. Oh, and valium is helpful. Very helpful. So I've, umm, heard.

Bronwyn said...

Well, at least it'll be over and done with sooner rather than later. You're taking a positive step toward finding out what's going on -- this is a good thing! Take deep breaths... and remember that you've got a huge virtual support team!

Catherine said...

Please still love me.


DinosaurD said...

I wanted to make this comment before but I wasn't sure how to word it so I will try once again. Could you possibly think of this lap as a type of exposure therapy? I am so hoping that you are eventually successful in another pregnancy and I can't imagine how stressful that will be for you. Maybe it's better to start with the hospital for a lap rather than for a pregnancy?
Just a thought (and I have so few of them)

miraclebaby said...

Good luck girl! I will definitely be thinking of you as you go through this. I hope they can help you.

Denise said...

Wishing you tons of luck and calming vibes! ((hugs))

Rosepetal said...

I also understand the nervousness, but am also happy that you are having this sooner. If you had had it later, you would still have all of these freak out feelings, right? So at least it's happening sooner and you might get some answers sooner. I know the prospect of the answers can be scary too.

Lots of hugs, thinking of you.

Magpie said...

I had a lap. I was back at work three days later, no ill effects. The worst part was a week later when I went for the followup with the surgeon/RE and he showed me pictures! Of my insides! Like my liver! And uterus! And tubes! Actual photos. That was way more bizarre than the surgery. You'll be fine. Valium sounds like a good idea.