Things I've noticed the past few days...

If you dream about forgetting the forms you're supposed to take to your pre-op physical with you, you'll probably forget them in real life too.
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The winter hides a lot of things. When the warm spring weather lures people out of their houses and out of the protective cloak of their winter coats, you see pregnant tummies that weren't there in the fall.

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If you're going in for exploratory surgery to determine why you are suddenly mysteriously unable to conceive when it was once relatively easy for you, it will appear as though people are getting pregnant or having babies all around you.

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When a guy you had a huge crush on once upon a time has his second child - a boy - on the anniversary of the day your dead baby was due two years ago, it will feel very much like the gods are laughing at you. And heartily so.

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Having your OB approve your request for a little hit of pre-surgery Valium will relax you almost as much as popping one of the blessed little things.

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Even though the idea of surgery is terrifying, the thought of not being able to eat after midnight the day before (when your surgery is scheduled for after lunch) is kind of disturbing too.

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For some reason bringing a bottle of pee back from the doctor's office washroom through a waiting room of bored, gawking patients is somehow almost as embarrassing as dropping your pants and peeing right in front of them.

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When you're feeling fragile and really need to be treated with kindness and a modicum of respect by an otherwise brusk and busy nurse, dropping the dead baby story into conversation really works.

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Realizing you've forgotten your pre-op physical forms when you're more than half-way to your doctor's office, racing back home to get them and arriving for your appointment 10 minutes late will miraculously result in your blood pressure being the lowest it's ever been.

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Finding out that your blood pressure is the lowest it's ever been when you're as freaked out as you've been in a very long time will make you worry that the nurse, distracted by your tale of woe, has somehow taken the reading incorrectly. It will take the reassurance of an exasperated husband to quell your fears.

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Sometimes pretending you're not afraid fools even you.

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Finding a nearby linen outlet that sells really nice pillowcases for $1.50 each feels a little like winning the lottery. Especially when you're very close to having to admit that you're pushing 40.

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Writing down "pushing 40" in reference to yourself when you're two days away from exploratory surgery to determine why you have secondary infertility is a stupid, stupid idea.