Sunday, May 13, 2007

I wish there was peace on Mother's Day

During the intentions at Mass today, they made a special point of praying for all mothers. Even though I expected they would (they always do on Mother's Day), it was nice. Immediately following that they prayed for everyone who has a lost a mother this year.

Also very nice.

But what about mothers who have lost a child this year? What about the sorrow this day brings them?? I don't just mean babies either. Your child is your child when you're 80 and he's 50.

Why are we, as a group, so easy to forget? So easy to ignore? I don't understand this. I will never understand this.

I wanted to stand up and scream for all the mothers sitting in those pews quietly mourning children they have lost over the years. And I wanted to scream for the lost children that so many people are more comfortable just forgetting about.

I hate this day.

The priest asked everyone who was a mother to stand and receive a special blessing at the end of Mass. I didn't stand up. I should have - I am a mother. But I didn't. I sat there hating that I didn't while the other mothers stood tall and proud all around me.

I hate this day.


Sara said...

Me too. I will never understand either.

Big hugs to you.

niobe said...

I'm so sorry. It seems like it would be such a simple thing for the service to acknowledge and bless all mothers.

After all, even though I have very little exposure to or knowledge of Christianity (so please forgive me if I'm getting this wrong), I've always thought that one of Christianity's most powerful symbols is the Pieta, with Mary mourning over and cradling the body of Jesus, her lost son.

Ruby said...

I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

In these times we are living in there are so many women who shouldn't be called mothers. Mothers who abuse or allow the abuse of their children. Who neglect them and abandon them. Who do even worse. THESE and NOT YOU are the ones who should have had to sit there and feel so bad.

On the other hand for the entire time that I have read your blog, I can't think of one instance that I didn't think you were a great mother. Your life revolves around your beautiful Thomas. You love him unconditionally. He's always in your thoughts your words and your heart. That is obvious. YOU should be standing tall and proud because YOU are one of the BEST MOTHERS I know. (Through your blog not personally.)

Heather said...

I couldn't bring myself to go to church this morning. I couldn't.

You are strong and brave for going.

Aurelia said...

I think Niobe is right about the symbolism of the Pieta. It is an important part of Christianity to remember Mothers who have lost children. They should've talked about us too.

I'm sorry your day was bad.

Lori said...

Oh, I'm so sorry the service was hard for you, and that you felt excluded in the one place you should always feel as though you belong. It does seem a huge and unnecessary oversight to forget about mothers in mourning.

I opted not to go to church this morning for a variety of reasons, but I do remember that last year there was special mention and acknowledgment of mothers who had lost a child. I even remember there were prayers for women struggling with infertility. I was so glad, and I hope they did the same thing this year.

Please know that you and Thomas have touched so many lives, and there are many of us who absolutely honor you for the wonderful mother you are and always will be.

Julia said...

I'm sorry. This sucks.
Do you think you might be up to letting them know (in a little while) how hard it was for you to be there or would that be too much? Would the example of Lori's church help them to make adjustments for the better for next year?

Since I am pretty clueless about Christianity, it both came as a revelation and made perfect sense when a friend recently told me that she views Easter in large part as a story of a mother's loss. Seeing as Mother's Day comes so soon after Easter, it really shouldn't be this hard for clergy to remember the feelings of bereaved mothers.

I am sorry this was a crappy morning. I wish for you a much better one next year and for every year from now on.

Angela said...

You are brave for going to church this morning.

I hate this day, too. =(


Kim said...

At church yesterday I sat next to our family friend who lost her first child 25 years ago. I wanted to say something to her, but I didn't know what. So I prayed for her and for you.

kate said...

((((((hugs))))))) You are a wonderful mother.

Last year i told Fr. Mark, after mass, that he should include mothers who have lost children in his homily. This year i went precisely to see if he would (i would have much rather laid around the house yesterday!). Unfortunately i still don't know the answer because we had another priest giving mass -- someone who used to be the parish priest here. He was good -- he explicitly mentioned the pain of infertility and that of child loss, and included those who have lost their mothers as well. Maybe Fr. Mark will take an example for next year!

miraclebaby said...

I'm so sorry. I, too, think that mothers of all kinds should be mentioned and honored. I wore my Kaily bracelet yesterday as a reminder that I have two children, even if nobody else sees it that way.

Rosemarie said...

I'm surprised the priest didn't acknowledge mother's who have lost children. The priest in our church did. So I hope you can find some comfort knowing not all churches ignored mothers in morning.