Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Because God forbid anything should be easy

The simple "dust and clean", as the ever-so-amusing nurse called it, turned out to be a little more dramatic than that. Because it's me. And if something's going to go wrong, it will.

I hemorrhaged during the surgery (apparently the likes of which the good doctor hadn't seen before in a simple D&C) and my uterus wouldn't contract. I ended up staying the night in the hospital with a balloon catheter in my uterus and a steady supply of Oxytocin in my arm. It was lovely. Just lovely.

The heavy bleeding had stopped by the time they transferred me to the hospital I slept at (the hospital I had the surgery in was a day facility only, so I had a bumpy ambulance ride with a chatty medic who told me his whole life story without taking a breath while my stomach churned and my tummy cramped), so other than a slightly disturbing near fainting spell when I finally got up to go to the bathroom at around 10:00pm, and a night punctuated by code blue alerts, the beeping of my IV machine and vital checks every few hours, the hospital stay itself wasn't too terrible.

But the rest of it, yeah. That was unnecessarily cruel if you ask me. And I have no idea what the hell the gods are thinking anymore. It was bad enough that I was there to miscarry our babies. That it ended up a much more frightening experience than it should have been is just plain mean. But, I suppose, par for the course.

Just our shitty luck.

I'm feeling much better. The cramping eased off around 2:00am last night, and only briefly returned when the doctor took out the balloon catheter this morning. So now I'm just very, very tired. Drained, sad and a little weak. And I look like hell.

I just can't wait to see what happens next.

24 comments:

B said...

I am sorry it turned out to be such a difficult experience. It is awful feeling like you are THE ONE everytime that the worst thing could happen to and have all the medicos making the "It doesn't normally happen like this" comments. Yeah thanks for that.

It's very hard to make sense of God or even of life when serious crap happens. It just f#$kn sucks. And it aint fair. It just isn't. You would make the best mum in the world and it is so painful to think...... well to think anything. What is there to think?

I hope you and your beloved can hold each other.

Angela said...

I wish there was anything I could do to help.

::hugs::

Kathy McC said...

I am sorry for what you went through...how awful. I don't get it either. (((hugs)))

Sherry said...

Again, I'm so sorry that there has been too much cruelness hurled at you and your Beloved. And I wish I could do anything to ease your pain right now. Lots and lots of (((HUGS))).

Chili said...

That certainly was quite the ordeal! I'm so glad you're feeling better already - take care of yourself!

Catherine said...

It's all just so unfair and sad. I'm so sorry.

Ann Smith said...

Geez Louise!! Will the universe please give you a ^#@$% break!!! I'm sorry it was such a compoundedly awful experience. I'm glad you're feeling a little better. I hope that you're able to sleep and recover and be taken care of.
I'm so sorry Kristin. For all that you're enduring so courageously. I really, really, really wish it weren't this way. I hope someday soon, it won't be.
Very big HUGS

Sunny said...

That is just AWFUL! HUGS!

Julia said...

This really sucks big effing loads of sucktitude. I am sorry.
I am glad you are feeling better now, although I understand it is a relative thing.

DinosaurD said...

I can't believe that happened to you. I wish I could believe that you were capable of making up such a horrid story.
Can nothing be easy (or even less than very difficult) ?
Do they know why this happened and are you fairly assured that you are physically okay now?
I imagine this also managed to totally wreck havoc on your beloved as well.
I am so sorry (yet again - I guess I am just a sorry person).
DinoD

missing_one said...

Geez, you just can't catch a break.
I'm so sorry it has to be this hard.
*hugs*

Denise said...

(((((((((hugs))))))))) - I just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that things never seem to be easy.

niobe said...

It does kind of seem sometimes that fate isn't random. Instead, it's actively malevolent. It wishes you ill. It's going to make this as hard on you as it possibly can.

It's hard to remember that, really, it only seems that way.

niobe said...

It does kind of seem sometimes that fate isn't random. Instead, it's actively malevolent. It wishes you ill. It's going to make this as hard on you as it possibly can.

It's hard to remember that, really, it only seems that way. I'm sorry that yet another bad hand has been dealt to you.

Beruriah said...

Man, I almost agree with Niobe here. So horrible and unfair. I just don't get it. Why???

I'm sorry. I hope that at least physically you continue to feel better.

Lori said...

Oh CK, I'm so sorry that you had such an awful time! (((hugs)))

Woman who knits said...

Jesus! I'm so sorry.

((((HUGS))))

Jill said...

For f*ck's sake. This is beyond unfair. 'Malevolent' does actually seem to be the best word for whatever force has you in it's sights. I hope this is all for now. Take care. I'm so sorry for all of it ((hugs))

kate said...

God, i'm so sorry ((((((hugs))))))))

SaraS-P said...

You've definitely earned a break.

Rosemarie said...

((((HUGS))))

I'm so sorry sweetie.

Bronwyn said...

That sounds supremely awful -- I'm so sorry it couldn't have been easier for you. I hope you're getting well looked after now; you deserve some peace and quiet. (((Big hug)))

Aurelia said...

Holy mackeral I can't believe this nightmare.

Ok, we have to meet in person now, because this story sounds so completely familiar and so terrifyingly awful. I just don't believe that a D&C could end up like this. If I hadn't had so many fucked up D&Cs myself, I probably wouldn't believe it. Just don't blame yourself.

Kristin I'm so so so sorry. Shit.

Email me, please.

Erin said...

Feel better soon sweetie