Friday, August 17, 2007

Sweet revenge

I'm so tired, and my eyes are stinging and dry from the unexpected crying jag that attacked me while I was watching a puppy video on You Tube earlier this afternoon.

I had words with God, stormed out of the house and bought sugar to make fudge.

It occurred to me today that I'm only partly to blame for the slightly ill-fitting clothing issue I've been having lately. At 11 weeks, 1 day - with two little sacs in there and a hard, growing tummy to go along with it - some of this just isn't my fault. I would have been wearing maternity clothes soon. Much sooner than I did with Thomas, by the look and feel of things.

So screw the currently ill-fitting clothes. I'm making fudge. I'll worry about the damage later.

God, I'm so sad.


Elizabeth said...

so sad for you too ... how completely horrible to have this whole tragedy go on and on. :-(

Angela said...


Ann Smith said...

I'm a nutrition counselor and I say eat the fudge! You are so expressive about how you are feeling, coping, dealing with the utterly inexplicable. I just want you to know how very many of us out here feel for you, wish fervently that things could be 180 degrees different, and stand in stupified disbelief at a world that lets such unfair things happen. I wish that it weren't this way. And if we could make it different for you, we would absolutely and immediately. xoxo

missing_one said...

Yes, it is so hard.
and just is so sad.
After everything else...the sadness remains and how strange the sadness and compassion we feel now for other things, puppies, kitties, abused children...etc...
Our heart is bleeding and it really doesn't take much to have the scar start bleeding profusely again.
You have every right to be sad and kind to yourself

Julia said...

So very sad. I'm sorry. For the upteenth time, when I know it doesn't make anything any better, but I just am.

Fudge sounds good.

Cheek said...

I'm so sorry - it sucks so bad that you have to go through this. You've more than earned that fudge.

DinosaurD said...

How could you not be sad? I know the fudge won't really help but at this point, anything that doesn't actually hurt can't be all bad, right?
I'm so sorry for you, your husband and the little tigers.
Just get through this, okay? (Use whatever helps).

Jackie said...

Huge, huge, huge hugs, Kristin!

B said...

I am thinking of you a lot.

How was today?

How was the fudge?
I am very impressed that you made it! Gee - even that you thought about making it. Creativity in the midst of such crisis and heaviness. That is love.

How are the people around you responding?

It is soooo hard facing the world with ongoing greif and layers and layers of greif. I really hope that there is a place that "is safe" for you.

I don't really feel like I am very good at praying, but if it is putting myself before God I will do that and tell Him what I think and feel about this.

....I'm sorry.... these are such empty words.

Bronwyn said...

Hope the fudge was a sweet distraction, if only for a short while. (((Big, big hug)))

delphi said...

I've been away. Just wanted to send as much love as possible to you, through it all.