Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Same old same old

I'm entirely too tired and mentally spent to explain tonight, but the news at today's ultrasound was the same as Friday's. I know I'm not 10 weeks yet - the date at which point (and not before) people say you should be willing to accept that it's well and truly over - but even I have to admit that the evidence is extremely compelling. And I'm a hard nut to crack.

Our plan now is to sleep on it. Just sleep. There's no harm in waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally, so we're not rushing into anything that will hasten that process at the moment. And yeah, it's possible I might want another ultrasound just to be extra sure, but I don't know. At this point I just don't know if I can go in for the 6th time and deal with the pitying looks from the staff at the clinic.

I get that I'm pitiful. I don't need to see it screaming out at me from every face who looks at my chart, then at me.

So for now, I sleep. No one can see me there.

30 comments:

austins mom said...

Words are not enough right now but just know that I am praying for you hun. ((HUGS))

Julia said...

Damn! This well and truly sucks.

delphi said...

Sleeping on it seems like a good idea. Thinking of you (and admittedly hoping against hope).

I hope that your sleep is sound.

Granny said...

Try to rest. You don't know me at all but I'll keep thinking of you and checking back.

Ann

Aurelia said...

I've been thinking about you for days now.

This is so so awful. I'm sorry.

wannabe mom said...

i'm always thinking of you, hoping, praying.

Jill said...

I made the same call as you with my failing PG. I couldn't face ending the pg *just in case*, even though I knew it was over. It's so hard and so unfair and I am wishing you the strength to endure what you must but I can't help holding onto hope for you this time around. Sleep well.

Lori said...

(((hugs))) Continuing to think of you and your Beloved and yes, hoping.

Sherry said...

(((HUGS))) ... and hoping you got some rest.

Beruriah said...

You're in my thoughts constantly.

I will like Delphi, hope against hope, that the outlook will change.

Catherine said...

Pitiful? I don't think so.

All my love to you.

Woman who knits said...

((((hugs)))) I am so saddened by your news.

SaraS-P said...

I very much understand the need to hang on and not let go until you have to.

Sleep well. May you find some escape in your dreams.

Rosemarie said...

((((HUGS)))))

Kim said...

I am hoping and praying along with everyone else for a miracle for you. I am also praying for comfort and peace for you.

Erin said...

(((((HUGS)))))

CappyPrincess said...

Julia said it well - this well and truly sucks.

There are no additional words than any of us can give you to give you hope - but know that some of us are holding out hope for you. No matter the outcome of this pregnancy, we're holding hope for the future as well because of your loving soul. I know someday (I just wish I knew which day) you will be richly blessed with your heart's desire. I believe in eternal families and know that yours will be complete. I just wish for you that it was right now.

BasilBean said...

I think about you a lot and am sending my love.

DinosaurD said...

I guess I'm just dense but I don't "get" that you're pitiful. I went through 5 miscarriages in a row (and was 39 and in my 40s) and I would take issue with anyone who described recurrent miscarriage or a history of stillbirth or early loss as pitiful. Grrrrrr.
Please take care of yourself - that's all you need to do right now (please make her listen Sandy).
DinoD

Heather said...

You aren't pitiful...this is just a really, really shitty situation. You are an amazing woman with more strength than anyone else I know.

Laura said...

I've been thinking of you constantly and sending you so much love every day. Take care of you.

stephanie said...

You're the furthest thing from pitiful, though people may feel compassion for you. Good people will feel that, anyhow. The non-robot ones.
I'm so sorry this is happening, friend. But I will keep hoping for you, if it's alright.

kate said...

also thinking of you and hoping against hope...

Angel Mom said...

More {{{Hugs}}}

Angela said...

Oh Kristen, I'm so sorry. It's not over yet?

missing_one said...

It's the pity that gets me too.
Sleeping is good. Stay in the warm comfort of a cocoon.
Try to quiet the voices in your head..or at least drown them out with the sleep as it fall upon you.
*massive hugs*

miraclebaby said...

I'm so sorry...

Brenda said...

I am so very sorry to read your sad news.

Huge hugs to you both

xxx

Suzanne said...

I'm so sorry. Have your hcg levels been checked? Are they falling? I"m so sorry.

Kendra's mom said...

My heart is breaking for you.
{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}