Today my head was filled with very adult thoughts. I don't mean x-rated thoughts, I mean very mature, grown-up, how-on-earth-did-I-get-here-and-how-on-earth-am-I-supposed-to-make-all-the-decisions-I-have-to-make kind of thoughts.
Hard core stuff.
And so I don't want to think about it anymore, nor do I want to write about it. I've been swimming in it all day and I've had enough. I'm stepping out of the pool of adulthood and drying off. With my giant purple parrot beach towel.
Tonight I'm going to be a kid. Or maybe a teenager - I liked 1988. That was a good year. I had a gigantic crush on a guy named Michael (who didn't know I existed and went on to marry someone else, if you can believe it), I loved Mel Gibson and Duran Duran (almost as much as Michael), I was the Social Coordinator on the Student Council (which meant I bought the decorations for our dances and banquets) and I sang back-up in my friend's band. Twice.
Ahhhh, those were the days. Sure, I had my woes and I cried my fair share of tears (primarily over Michael who, as we've already discussed, wasn't the least bit interested in me). And yes, I had worries and I fretted in that way only teenage girls can fret. But it really was all so simple and sweet back then.
And I had no idea I had it so good. I had absolutely no idea life was as easy as it was.
What I wouldn't give to be able to walk into my childhood home at the end of a day like today and know that a hug from my Mom would make it all go away. What I wouldn't give to know that everything is going to be okay and that things will look brighter in the morning. What I wouldn't give to have problems that a good night's sleep could solve.
Today I'm tired of my grown-up life. I'm tired of unending sorrow, I'm tired of facing an uncertain future, I'm tired of feeling like l'm in some crazy-ass twilight zone episode where the unthinkable happens, nothing makes sense and there are no rules.
I sure could use a little 1988.