Saturday, October 08, 2005

The fire of hope

It's Thanksgiving weekend and tomorrow, the day Thomas would have turned 7 months old, will be our first holiday dinner without him.

It's funny how inconceivable it still is - how completely and utterly inconceivable it is that he's gone.

But he is, and I've missed him so terribly this week. It's incredible how fresh grief can feel when you're approaching a holiday so geared to family and togetherness. It's amazing how much it hurts...all over again.

As the week wore on, it became more and more important for me to do something special for him tomorrow, something quiet and meaningful so that I'll know he'll be as much a part of Thanksgiving as he possibly can be.

So before dinner I'm going to light a candle for Thomas and put it on our Thanksgiving table. His little light will glow bright and strong and be with us - the people I love most in the world - as we sit together and try very hard to count our blessings, knowing we all lost one of life's biggest blessings of all when we lost him.

I'm also going to light a second candle and put it in our front window in memory of all the tiny souls who've left us far too soon, and in support of the families who will be feeling those losses so keenly this weekend. I'm going to do it on the American Thanksgiving day and on Christmas too.

There's strength in numbers and so I invite anyone who has lost a baby through miscarriage or infant loss to do the same. Light a candle for our little ones on Thanksgiving Day and on Christmas.

Hopefully the glow from the candles will bring warmth to hearts feeling the chill of grief and hope to those, like me, who are struggling so hard to find it again.


Catherine said...

You are a beautiful soul with an amazing heart. I think of your Thomas today and I will think of him on those special days as well when I remember my Alex.

By the way...if you would like me to make you a mother's bracelet, I would be honored to do so. Just email me with you color preferences and your bracelet size.

Bronwyn said...

That is such a lovely sentiment. Even though we won't be doing anything special tomorrow (we don't have family here, so we don't really celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving), I will light a candle for your Thomas and all of the little ones who passed in and out of this world too quickly. I hope you have a peaceful day tomorrow.

mscooter said...

What a lovely idea. I will have a candle burning for Thomas and for the tiny soul that we lost this year as well.

I hope the warmth from the candle is comforting for you, for me, for all of us.

... and happy birthday 7 month Thomas... send hugs for your mommy and daddy today.

Abby said...

I have a candle burning for Thomas today, too. I hope you and your family have a happy Thanksgiving. I also hope you feel Thomas' spirit there with you today. Sending lots of H&S your way...