Paranoia

I think I'm getting a cold and I'm all freaked out. I'm guessing I was a little more scarred by my traumatic post C-section illness than I thought I was.

I shouldn't be this worried about a cold. It's just that it started in my chest with the tightness and wheezing and paranoia-inducing discomfort chest colds always bring.

I'm not sure if my fragile psyche can deal with a chest cold right now. I knew I was bound to get sick again - and we are hurtling rapidly towards cold and flu season - but I guess I hoped I could somehow avoid it. Especially since I'm at my paranoid and neurotic best right now.

PMS and paranoia go hand in hand for me, I'm afraid.

My poor beloved. All he wanted to do was sleep last night but my coughing, clearing my throat and panicky movements in the bed (trying desperately to find a position that would help me breathe easier) kept him awake until finally he got up and made me a cup of hot tea in the hopes that the steam would ease the congestion.

I guess that and the Halls cough drop I took helped because I finally drifted off to a fitful sleep about a half hour later.

I woke up thoroughly exhausted this morning and took to the couch. All day. I lay there feeling tired, congested and paranoid all freaking day.

I must have been such a joy.

I finally hauled my bum off the couch long enough to shower, dress and meet my family for dinner to celebrate my sister's 38th birthday, but now I'm back home and once again in bed.

The congestion is still these, but not nearly as bad as it was last night. Maybe I'm fighting off a cold, or maybe it was just a particularly vicious allergy attack that knocked the stuffing out of me.

But whatever it is I wish it would just go away and leave me alone. I admit it, I'm afraid. I don't want to be sick. I don't want to worry about me any more than I already do, which is a lot. I worry constantly about the ways my body will and won't work, I really don't need the added stress of a chest cold on top of that. I really don't.

What a joy I am. My Beloved is certain a lucky, lucky man today.

*cough*