Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A rude awakening

Well that was scary. I just spent the last half hour browsing through blogs written by infertile women who have undergone years (YEARS) of treatments, miscarriages, surgeries and confidence-eroding devastation.

They ran the gamut - everything from a woman who is newly pregnant with triplets, to a woman who considered divorce when her husband refused to continue with fertility treatments after years of heartache.

I thought this might actually be easy. Well, not as easy as having sex and crossing your fingers, but certainly easier than subjecting yourself to months and months of humiliating and painful failure. I was clearly delusional. What on earth made me so certain that we'd be successful before we've even had all the diagnostic tests to find out what's causing our inability to conceive again???

I feel like an idiot.

Damn it.

5 comments:

Rosemarie said...

You're not an idiot. Everyone is different. Just like there are a lot of sad stories, there are a lot of wonderful stories. Focus on those. Focus on your treatment being a success.
Have hope and faith.
I know I do.
(((HUGS)))

Nikki said...

Kristin I agree with PP that there are many happy endings and wonderful stories for you to read through, yes there are woman who it may take a long time to conceive and some not long at all but I have faith too that things will happen for you and S and you will add to your little family. I truly believe that in my heart and pray that it comes soon. (((HUGE HUGS)))) Hang in there girl those clouds are lifting....;-)

Denise said...

You are not an idiot. Every women thinks they will get pregnant on the first try and bring home a healthy baby. I know I thought that...I can't believe I was that naive once.

Bronwyn said...

As another blogger mentioned recently, it is adding insult to injury, isn't it? It's been hard enough grieving and imagining how much worry would accompany another pregnancy, without having to think about how hard it might be just to achieve said pg.

I hope that your stroll down infertility lane is a short one and that your system just needs a jump start to get everything back on track. I can certainly commisserate -- it's been 6 months since my last period and I'm beginning to wonder if it's ever going to come back...

Lisa P. said...

Oh, yes, it is scary, I agree, and believe me, I went through something very similar when I first started reading all of the infertility blogs. I've convinced myself that there will be no hope for me and I've been inspired by others but wondered if I had the strength to do what they did.

But you are most definitely not an idiot... while my mom tells me that reading about all this bad stuff "doesn't mean it'll happen to" me, I feel that I'm gaining knowledge, insight, and most of all, reading some stories by some incredible women. You're one of them, too.