Thursday, April 20, 2006

Imagine that

Today was a good day. Thoughts of Thomas ran in and out of my mind as they always do - and there were certainly moments of dark sadness - but it was still a very good day.

And it was my birthday.

My present to me, it seems, was allowing myself to enjoy the day - letting myself find happiness in a sunny day spent with a good friend and an evening spent with family I love. I watched a huge bumblebee dance lazily over rows of pansies and felt deliciously alive. I ate until I was stuffed and felt blissfully content.

I laughed and meant it.

Last year I approached my birthday with dread and horror. I simply couldn't fathom spending it without Thomas, and turning 35 with no living child to call my own was terrifying to me. Unthinkably so.

My situation hasn't changed. I still had to spend the day without Thomas. I still don't have a living child to call my own. And to top it off, now I'm one year older.

But time has healed me enough to allow me to embrace joy when I stumble upon it. And I did - all day long. I reveled in it, as a matter of fact. I drank it in like wine and savored every single drop.

I had a good day.

I almost can't believe I had such an unbelievably good day.

Happy birthday to me!

13 comments:

Becky said...

I don't know you at all. I've never even visited your site. I randomly stumbled onto it. I wanted to say happy birthday and tell you how terribly sorry I am for your loss. Your prose made me mourn for you....

A Teacher in Texas said...

Happy Birthday! I'm glad you were able to recapture some joy. :-)

{{{{{{{{{{{{Birthday Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Chan said...

Happy Birthday Kristin!
I'm so glad you had a great day.

Julie said...

Happy Birthday Kirisin!!!

Abby said...

I'm so glad your birthday was a good day. You deserved it. :)

But you didn't mention the cake... Surely there was cake, right? ;)

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday - so glad you had a good day!!! You more than deserve it.
-Jpup

Laura said...

Happy Belated Birthday from me :)
I'm so glad that you could enjoy the day...you deserve that, Kristin. And yeah, how was the cake? I hope that you ditched Weight Watchers yesterday for the occasion!

MB said...

Happy belated birthday! So glad it was a pleasant one! You derserve some fun!

Ann Howell said...

Happy belated birthday!!! Hope you had a great big slice of birthday cake to celebrate!

kate said...

Happy Birthday! I am so glad you had a good day!

DinosaurD said...

Happy Birthday (from the time zone of Dinosaurs - any other time zone and it would be belated).
I'm glad your day was good - bumble bees will do that for a person (and you know that Thomas would want that for you too, right?)
DinoD

Catherine said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I've been away from the computer for a bit...so sorry to have missed the celebration.

Kori said...

You emailed me and told me you had a good day, but I was so happy to read this line "I laughed and meant it." Happy Birthday, Friend! *HUGS*