Thursday, April 20, 2006

Imagine that

Today was a good day. Thoughts of Thomas ran in and out of my mind as they always do - and there were certainly moments of dark sadness - but it was still a very good day.

And it was my birthday.

My present to me, it seems, was allowing myself to enjoy the day - letting myself find happiness in a sunny day spent with a good friend and an evening spent with family I love. I watched a huge bumblebee dance lazily over rows of pansies and felt deliciously alive. I ate until I was stuffed and felt blissfully content.

I laughed and meant it.

Last year I approached my birthday with dread and horror. I simply couldn't fathom spending it without Thomas, and turning 35 with no living child to call my own was terrifying to me. Unthinkably so.

My situation hasn't changed. I still had to spend the day without Thomas. I still don't have a living child to call my own. And to top it off, now I'm one year older.

But time has healed me enough to allow me to embrace joy when I stumble upon it. And I did - all day long. I reveled in it, as a matter of fact. I drank it in like wine and savored every single drop.

I had a good day.

I almost can't believe I had such an unbelievably good day.

Happy birthday to me!

14 comments:

Becky said...

I don't know you at all. I've never even visited your site. I randomly stumbled onto it. I wanted to say happy birthday and tell you how terribly sorry I am for your loss. Your prose made me mourn for you....

Maya's Mom said...

Happy Birthday! I'm glad you were able to recapture some joy. :-)

{{{{{{{{{{{{Birthday Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

Chan said...

Happy Birthday Kristin!
I'm so glad you had a great day.

Julie said...

Happy Birthday Kirisin!!!

Abby said...

I'm so glad your birthday was a good day. You deserved it. :)

But you didn't mention the cake... Surely there was cake, right? ;)

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday - so glad you had a good day!!! You more than deserve it.
-Jpup

Laura said...

Happy Belated Birthday from me :)
I'm so glad that you could enjoy the day...you deserve that, Kristin. And yeah, how was the cake? I hope that you ditched Weight Watchers yesterday for the occasion!

MB said...

Happy belated birthday! So glad it was a pleasant one! You derserve some fun!

Bronwyn said...

Happy belated birthday!!! Hope you had a great big slice of birthday cake to celebrate!

kate said...

Happy Birthday! I am so glad you had a good day!

DinosaurD said...

Happy Birthday (from the time zone of Dinosaurs - any other time zone and it would be belated).
I'm glad your day was good - bumble bees will do that for a person (and you know that Thomas would want that for you too, right?)
DinoD

Catherine said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I've been away from the computer for a bit...so sorry to have missed the celebration.

hoping4_zzzsss said...

You emailed me and told me you had a good day, but I was so happy to read this line "I laughed and meant it." Happy Birthday, Friend! *HUGS*

Nikki said...

((((Kristin)))) Im sooo sorry I missed your b-day as you know sick household but Im catching up on all my reading. Im glad this year was better than last year and Im hoping good things for you this year Im praying for a birthday miracle for you girlie :) Hugs