Thursday, January 31, 2008

Stupid cold...

That's my excuse for having been an absent blogger. I swear it has nothing to do with being lazy and opting to lay on the couch reading and napping instead of sorting out the myriad thoughts in my head and getting them down on paper. Or screen, as the case may be.

I had the sniffles. Now I have the sinus congestion. I sound not unlike The Family Guy's Lois.

Peetah.
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This morning the face of an absolutely gorgeous little girl with chubby cheeks and great big brown eyes greeted me from the front cover of The Toronto Star. About 7 months old, she was found face-down in the freezing cold stairwell of a Toronto strip mall, whimpering. And abandoned.

Abandoned.

They still don't know who she is. No one has identified this precious little soul. No one wants her back enough to claim her.

It makes my heart ache when children are discarded like this. It makes me want to scream until my throat bleeds at the unfairness of a world where some people make babies so easily and so frequently that they just drop off the extras in staircases like unwanted kittens, and other people spend thousands of dollars and years of their lives trying to make just one healthy, take-home baby. And sometimes never succeed.

There is no fair. There is only the lot you're given.
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I've been having some wild dreams lately.

The other night, while Britney Spears and I were looking for snacks in my Mom and Dad's basement while we folded laundry, she casually told me that I reeeeeally needed to cover all the gray in my hair.

If anyone can decipher that one, please let me know.
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The other day I wrote a scathing post about Bush and his 900+ lies, but My Beloved suggested I not post it.

Party pooper.
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We took My Beloved's parent's cat to the vet this week to have an ingrown claw looked at (gross).

She was My Beloved's cat once upon a time (and he still thinks of her as his), but she's lived with my in-laws for 9 years without him, so I kind of think of her as theirs.

However, as I sat in the vet's waiting room with my fingers poking through the carrier bars scratching her worried little head in an attempt to soothe her, she suddenly felt like mine.

And I can't quite get her out of my head.

I'm such a sucker for small things that need me.
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I have now let two two-for-one movie coupons expire.

Good GOD, we need to get out more.
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I was stuck in traffic for a while tonight, and while I was sitting at a very long light (that I didn't make it through the first time), I noticed I could smell a fire.

Fires are nothing but cozy to me, reminding me of chilly fall days at the cottage; my Grandma lighting her prized pot-bellied stove to keep us warm; and the unmistakable smell of Tasso Lake wood being burned on crisp winter nights at the house my Grandparents used to live in once upon a time, just around the corner from ours.

All kinds of cozy.

So I sat there in the car, breathing the smell in deeply.

Until I realized I was at the intersection by the funeral home...that has a crematorium on the property.

I don't know. I just don't know. But I stopped breathing deeply just in case.

I know it's morbid. Really morbid. And I can't help but wonder if only the perpetually bereaved would even think it...
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Tomorrow is February. We'd have been the parents of twins by the end of the month.

But instead, I'm pining over an old cat that doesn't belong to me and going to therapy to sort out 5 years' worth of grief.

'Cause that's fun too.

11 comments:

B said...

I almost wrote to (who?) to ask if I could keep a baby that was found on the doorstep of a church near me. I don't know why I didn't.

Shortly after Maya died I thought I saw a baby lying in the middle of the road. I had adopted it and imagined it's 21st first birthday before I let myself see that it was just a towel.

Go ahead with your post about George W. You know, it's funny but Australian new readers always say George dub-bel-ya when they read his name even though they would say double-you on any other occasion. (I don't know if that translates well to people who have non Oz accents). It's a nod in the direction of dissent.

I hope the meow is OK. It's a worry.

I'm sad you are not big and round with too many limbs poking your insides.

It's so f*@kin unfair.

B said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trish said...

I actually snort-laughed at the crematorium thing. I could see myself doing the same thing. Then trying desperately not to breathe again until the light turned green.
I used to think I wasn't superstitious but these days I know myself a bit better.

Hope the kitty is doing better.

And I hope that you are able to see your way through February with as much peace as possible.

Beth said...

S and I had a similar conversation about that little angel. What a tragedy.

loribeth said...

I saw the story of the little girl in the stairwell in yesterday morning's paper -- right alongside the two little native girls who froze to death in Saskatchewan when their drunken father took them out in -50C windchill wearing only T-shirts & diapers (!!!). Great way to start off the morning. :( Yep, people like that get to have kids...

Catherine said...

~I hope you feel better soon physically. I'm hoping that you feel better emotionally too, but I know that's just a wish for now. I know it doesn't help, but please know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace.

~I read one of those baby stories from Texas last night, cried myself to sleep, and had nightmares all night. It is so unfair. I hope the baby you wrote about finds people who love her more than the ass who gave birth to her.

~I would LOVE to read your post about George W.

~I hope the cat is ok.

~We have a crematorium near work. Some days the "exhaust" is black and I hold my breath when I go outdoors.

Carole said...

It makes me sick that people can just abandon children like that. My heart hurts for this babe and what she's been through at such an early age.

I have to nicely insist that you post the Bush entry. Shh...I won't tell your dh...but I know that's gotta have some good stuff in it.

Hope you are on the mend from the cold stuff...my last one just kept lingering.
~Carole

Kristi said...

Stories of abandoned & abused babies break my heart. WHY?? Why are those people allowed to have children when we lost ours??

Heather said...

Is it horrible that I literally laughed out loud at the fire story?

I don't even want to comment on the baby - too heart breaking.

Teresa said...

so funny re: crematorium

definitely post the bush bash!

Julia said...

I'd think it, but that doesn't answer your question.
Bring the Bush bash on! If you are comfortable, of course. :)