Wednesday, January 02, 2008

This 'n that. Mostly food.

I made really yummy raspberry bran muffins after dinner tonight. I started Weight Watchers (again) today, and bran muffins seemed like a healthy alternative to the chocolate orgy I've been unashamedly engaged in for the better part of the last month.

I ate two. With margarine. But since they're 100% chocolate-free, I think I'm golden.

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I'm hungry.

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As much as I want to lose more weight (read: re-lose what I lost and gained back), I think a lot of my desire to jump back on the the Weight Watchers bandwagon hinges on my need for control.

When I first started seeing some success on WW back in '06, I was as thrilled by my need for smaller pants as I was of my ability to control the body that had failed me and Thomas so horrendously.

I still want smaller pants. But yeah, I think this is still as much about control as anything else.

I don't really care, it's just interesting to note.

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I forgot how all consuming food and weight loss and hunger is during the first week of Weight Watchers.

You might want to skip the next week of posts. I'm just saying.

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I had lunch with an elementary school friend I hadn't seen in 23 years last week. We found each other via Facebook (good GOD I love that thing) and after several Scrabulous games and messages back and forth we decided to host our own two-person reunion.

I know I shouldn't, but it's so very hard not to judge people by the way they react to Thomas - his life and death. His story.

We all know someone who has disappointed us - who has retreated in fear, never to be seen again. We all know people who prefer not to talk about it for reasons we just have to hope have more to do with them wanting to protect us than themselves. We all know people who just can't handle it.

Sadly, we just do.

But Stacy wasn't one of those people. She cried great big tears all over the table, oblivious to everyone else in the restaurant, after gently asking me to tell his story. She cried like it happened to her. She told me that she wished we'd gotten back in touch a long time ago so that she'd have been able to be there for me when he died.

She did everything right. Somehow she just knew how.

Amazing.
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We didn't win the $36 million dollar 6/49 jackpot tonight.

I guess I'll continue to make my own muffins in the future. No Alice for me.

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Really, I'm huuuuungry.

8 comments:

Kim said...

My belly is growling as I type this right now. I feel ya on the hunger part. I've got a good 20-30lbs to get off. We can do it together!

I want smaller pants too. ;o)

K said...

And now I am hungry, too!

I am so glad that Stacy was a good friend to you. That is so hard to find sometimes.

BethGo said...

I'm back on the WW wagon too.

And I am also quite hungry.

Catherine said...

Though not on WW, I'm trying to lose some weight. I'm hungry too...ALL.THE.TIME.

Kim said...

Also on the WW wagon...can I recommend to you their chocolate smoothies? Do they have them there? They are good, are core or are 1 pt (when fixed with water, 3 when fixed with milk, but then you get all your milk for the day!), and are easy. The best thing is they are not yogurt, because I don't like yogurt. I have started making mine with a banana, and it's so good. And chocolatey, and filling.

missing_one said...

Good luck on the weightloss. That's what I'm trying to do too, re-lose the weight I lost after the first baby.

I put a weightloss ticker at the end of my blog and it seems to be motivating me a little

Yay for you!

Julia said...

Wow. I have tears in my eyes after reading about Stacy. I am so glad you have her in your life again.

Hold on through the first week. It should get better after that.

wannabe mom said...

Stacy sounds like a wonderful friend, even after all these years. I have tears on the edge of my eyes waiting to fall.

Good luck on WW!