I went Christmas shopping today.
I didn't enjoy it.
I should probably just accept the fact that there's not much of this Christmas that I am going to enjoy and be done with it, but I'm too stubborn to give in.
I'm also too afraid to just be still. I know what's waiting for me there. If I sit down quietly to listen to Christmas carols in the soft glow of the tree with a glass of wine or a cup of hot chocolate in my hand, I'll think too much about what should have been.
Every single day I think of what should have been, but being still makes it worse. Especially now.
I'm so tired, but I can't stop moving. Not until January.
Tomorrow, I clean.