NO to putting up two trees. What the hell was I thinking? It was bad enough putting up one knowing Thomas would never get to stare at the twinkly fairy lights in childlike awe. Putting up two would be utter torture.
NO to dragging out every single last one of my Christmas decorations. I can't bear it. I'm sorry - some of you will just have to sit in your boxes until next year when I'm a little more sane and not so damned sad.
NO to cleaning every nook and cranny of my house for company this Saturday. The doors that are shut are hiding catastrophes that I don't have the time or energy to deal with. Just don't open the doors.
NO to singing at midnight Mass with the choir this year. I'm sorry, I can't do it. It will take me screaming back to last year when Thomas was happily nesting beneath my Christmas-y maternity top while I secretly sang Silent Night to him, not the congregation.
NO to sending Christmas cards to people who haven't bothered to send them to us for the last few years. I've cried while writing the cards I HAVE managed to write and I can't put myself through additional pain for people whose only policy is to receive.
NO! NO! NO!
And NO again, just for good measure.