Wednesday, August 10, 2005

It's crazy in there...

Okay, so last night I woke up in terror because I was dreaming I was being attacked by a wolf. The night before that I was Jessica Simpson's new maid/personal assistant.

What is going ON in my head at night?

I didn't really mind being Jessica Simpson's maid/personal assistant, but I didn't much like her mother, who was bossy and kind of nasty to the help. Plus I don't know WHO chose the colours for her kitchen, but I blame the bright fuschia, orange and yellow for confusing me and making me appear rather inept. I think I did manage to make her a grilled cheese sandwich though. Or maybe it was microwave popcorn. I can't remember.

I think I've had exactly two dreams about Thomas since he died. Once the morning after we got home from the hospital and once not that long ago. The first dream was horrible and I woke up crying for my beloved. I'd dreamt that Thomas had died, and woke up to find out, to my horror, that I was actually living that nightmare. It was real.

The second dream was of my beloved and I tickling Thomas on our bed. I woke up very happy from that one, even though I knew it was never going to come true.

So in 5 months there have been just two dreams about Thomas. I have no idea why my subconscious mind is opting to weave fantastical tales about me and a rag-tag band of celebrities as opposed to letting me deal quietly and logically with losing our baby. Unless this IS my mind's way of helping me cope. Maybe my brain wants a rest from the sorrow at night because it's been occupied with thoughts of Thomas all day. It decides to play at night - maybe that's it. Only I don't know why it was playing with wolves last night.

Anyway, there's no shortage of weird and amusing tales for me to tell my beloved so whatever's going on in my head at night, at least it's never dull and makes for excellent dinner conversation.

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