Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Twelve hours later...

So apparently I'm not 16 anymore. Or even 26. As it turns out I can't be awake for close to three hours in the middle of the night and be a functioning, coherent adult during the daylight hours that follow. Especially not when I finally fall back to sleep at 7:30am, only to be roused by a phone call from my dear sibling a half hour later.

In short, I've been in a fog all day. I WANT to do things but instead I just sit and stare. At the computer. At the television. Out the window. Whatever. If it can be stared at, I've stared at it today.

I think my biggest accomplishment was putting out the wasp trap to combat the alarmingly increasing numbers of wasps and bees floating about our back deck. I'm bothered by the idea of purposely trapping and drowning something, but I'm more bothered by the idea of someone getting stung. It's a dog eat dog world. Or a girl kill wasp world, as it were.

Oh my. I don't remember the last time I was this tired.

Oh no, wait. Yes it do. And I don't feel like thinking about that right now so I'm opting not to. My brain is so addled by fatigue I can trick it into not thinking today. I'm magic. Today, anyway.

The people next door had their concrete driveway poured today and it's very lovely, all smooth and milk chocolate coloured. And all I can think of is that since they've widened it right to the property line, in the winter they'll be dumping their now massive driveway's snow on our lawn instead of the little patch of grass that was theirs but is now concrete. I know it's a selfish thought, but I'm psychotically protective of our grass (not that you'd know it from our weed infested boulevard which suffered due to a crappy sprinkler which I finally replaced a few weeks ago). I'm glad they're up for neighbourhood beautification, but I just hope it doesn't come at the cost of my tiny patch of green.

This is a riveting entry.

Anyway, I really just wanted to say that...

You know? I don't even know what it is I want to say, so I'll just say goodbye - and hope that I sleep through the night tonight. We're going to arrange for Thomas' stone tomorrow and it'll be extremely dangerous for me to go in this current befuddled, loopy and ever so slightly crazy state of mind.

Hopefully Thomas will tell the angels to keep Lucy off my bed, or at least out of punching range, tonight so I can sleep in peace.

6 comments:

mscooter said...

Thomas is always watching over you. He knows you have a "big" day tomorrow so he'll be spreading his wings and pulling you and Sandy close.

I know you'll feel him.

Jill said...

Hi Kristin:)

I have just read through your entire blog(snot and tears everywhere) and am wanting to thank you for commenting on my blog.

You are so inspiring:) Maybe it's your sweet boy's name, but to read about another poor Thomas not making it in this world has finally given me the release I failed to find last week when his due date came around.

Thanks for sharing, I am so sorry for your loss and everything that surrounded it and I am glad to have found another friend out there in Blogland:)

Jill said...

BTW, would you mind if I linked to you?

Abby said...

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you today...

I'm so glad Sandy is with you, and I know Thomas will be with you, too.

Catherine said...

Like my blog friend, Jill, I've just finished reading your archives and am now opening a new box of tissues (see, post a random comment somewhere and strangers will flock to find you). Thank you for sharing your story with the world. I so wish I had something to say that would make all the anger and sadness and hurt go away. But, as you know, there is nothing that will make it all better. I hope you are able to plan Thomas' stone with a bit of peace in your mind and your heart. If it's ok with you, I'd like to continue reading your blog.

heatherryansmommy said...

Kristin,

I am also a stranger that reads your blog. I remember see you on the TTC boards and then on the Pregnant after TTC.

Thank you for sharing your story. I know that no one can take the pain away that you experience each and every day! Thomas is always with you!

My thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow, I know it will be a very hard day for you!
Take care of yourself
Heather