I've been doing Weight Watchers since the beginning of January. For the record, I say "doing" Weight Watchers because saying "subjecting myself to the agony of deprivation", although accurate, is depressing. Weight Watchers - hell, any kind of diet - is torture to emotional eaters like myself. I'm sad, I eat. And I've been sad quite a lot lately (round about a year and two weeks, actually). But I'm not allowed to eat my way out of it anymore.
I sound like I'm complaining, but it's all good. It's actually very, very good.
Why? Well, curbing my tendency to use food as a salve aside, it's good because it's given me some control back. And noticeably thinner thighs as an added bonus.
I lost control of everything when Thomas died. I couldn't save him - we couldn't do a thing to keep him here with us. Something like that makes you feel as powerless as dandylion fluff in the wind, and that feeling has an awful way of sticking with you. I had nothing to hold on to - no way to take any power back from the world that stole it from me.
But I found a way in January. Weight Watchers.
Yes, I'm sorry to say I have yet to have a religious epiphany of any sort, but I think this one is pretty damn good in the meantime.
I have complete and utter control over this. I can gain or lose depending on what I do or don't do. It's up to ME. Seriously, it's all up to me. Me and my sometimes questionable willpower.
But we're hanging in. I've lost 18.4 pounds as of Monday, and I did it all by myself. Well yes, with Weight Watchers online guidance, but for the most part this is my victory and mine alone.
It's my superpower, if you will. I can shed pounds.
Just watch me.
But don't watch too closely because sometimes I cheat. For instance, 3/4 of the birthday cake I made on Thomas' birthday is in the freezer and it's been calling, calling, calling my name relentlessly for about a week.
And of course we all know there's only one way to shut cake up...
(Really, I SWEAR I have control over this!!)