If we fall

A very good friend made this tribute to Thomas so that she and my other online friends could remember him in a special way this week. They've added it to their chat board signatures.

It's funny, today started out like any other - and felt pretty much like an ordinary day too. I know Thomas' birthday is just three days away, but for some reason the pain is just the same as it always is, for the most part. I'm thinking of different things, yes, and wishing more fervently that I could turn back the clock and change what happened a year ago.

But my pain remains the same. So far, anyway.

The difference is that there are a whole lot of people rallying behind My Beloved and I this week- sending us kind messages, praying for us and letting us know, in so many ways, that they're out there and that they care.

I wasn't prepared for that. You get used to having a certain level of support, and to have it stepped up so dramatically (particularly when you thought what you already had was more than you could ever ask for) is startling.

I feel like now there's a huge net under the tight rope My Beloved and I have been walking since March 9, 2005. It's so comforting to know that there are so many hands waiting to catch us if the burden of our sorrow trips us up this week.

I hope it won't. I hope the two days My Beloved and I have planned to spend together remembering Thomas will be enough comfort for both of us. But I'm glad to know that there are caring souls at the ready just the same. Because I have no idea what to expect on the morning of the 9th or the afternoon of the 10th - the day of his birth and the time of his death.

I don't have a clue how I'll feel - how either of us will feel. But at least we'll know we're not alone.

A thousand and one sincere thanks to every single one of you.