Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The last day

A year ago today I went into labour. After my second application of prostaglandin gel on the morning of March 8, 2005, I started having regular, mild contractions around one in the afternoon. I lay on the couch as we excitedly timed each one. They fell into a mostly regular rhythm, coming every four minutes or so.

My Mother in law was frantic. "Why aren't you at the hospital?" she nervously asked My Beloved when he called her with an update.

But we weren't worried. I don't know why.

I napped for a few precious minutes and then lay on the couch watching The Barefoot Contessa (and hours of other things I can't remember) until, as instructed, we called the hospital when the contractions had been regular for as long as the doctor said they should be. They told us to come in at around 7:30pm.

We did. It was 7:30pm on Thomas' last full day alive when, nervous and by now pretty scared, we walked into the hospital. He would be born the next day at 5:29pm with no vital signs. He would die 20 hours later.

Five days after that we would walk back out of the hospital without him - numb, exhausted and desolate.

In so many ways it feels like it was yesterday. And yet, it also feels like a lifetime ago.

The last day.

20 comments:

NervousKitty said...

I'm thinking of you today.

Catherine said...

{{{hugs}}}

Anam Cara said...

Thinking of you and Thomas today and sending big (((hugs)))

Bronwyn said...

Thinking of you and Thomas. I can imagine how hard these next couple of days are going to be for you. It's amazing how time plays all sorts of tricks as we approach big days, seemingly speeding up and slowing to a crawl from moment to moment. (((Big hug)))

Abby said...

(((Hugs))) and prayers coming your way -- today, tomorrow and always.

kate said...

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

smileyeily323 said...

Sending you lots of (((hugs))) and prayers, my friend. I always think of you and your dear sweet boy, but I am thinking and praying even more for you today.

Margaret said...

I woke up thinking of you, your beloved and Thomas today. I quickly said a little prayer for all of you.

Sarah said...

Many hugs, shared tears, and thoughts for you and Thomas.

Denise said...

I wish I could offer more than a virual hug.

Chrissy said...

I'm thinking of you this week. Hugs, hand squeezes, tissues, and strength.

Sherry said...

My thought and prayers are with you, as always (((HUGS)))

Julie said...

I am thinking of you today, and sending you strength and hugs for tomorrow. ((((((hugs))))))

Jules2pies4me said...

Thinking of you today (((Hugs))))

Teresa said...

Sadness has a way of ignoring the ticking of the clock. But upon looking back over time, it can amaze you at how far you've come... and yet how far it is from where you want to be.

Happy birthday Thomas, you were loved much, and are missed by many.

Kate said...

I found your blog through NervousKitty.

My heart is broken for you, as you pass the anniversary of Thomas' passing.

Nina said...

I am thinking of you, your Beloved, and Thomas today. I said a prayer for all of us when I woke up this morning.

JPAKAJR said...

Thinking of you and Thomas today.
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday Thomas.

((HUGS)) to your Mommy and Daddy

Julie said...

{{{Hugs}}}