Anyone who has spent more than five minutes trying to conceive has probably heard of fertility software like Fertility Friend. FF, as those of us in the trenches call it, is online charting software that lets you track your cycles - in incredibly intimate detail - in order to determine when your best chances to conceive are.
If you choose to make all the gory bits "public" (and therefore accessible to anyone who knows the link to your chart) your chart stalkers can see everything from what type and quality of fluids are coming out of you on any given day, to the number of days in a month you consider yourself gassy.
Nothing is sacred.
The other day I found myself feeling a little bound up, and so made sure to click the "constipated" button when entering that day's stats on my trusty chart. But as soon as I did I felt weird - kind of like I'd imagine you'd feel if you wore pajamas and bed-head to work - and didn't brush your teeth before leaving the house. I admitted something embarrassingly personal (about my bum, no less) and knew that the 180 or so ladies on my chat board would, if they happened to chart stalk me, know that I didn't get enough fiber the day before.
The thing is, I don't give a rat's ass about clicking that I'm urinating more often, breaking out, irritable, headachy, nauseated, crampy or basking in the glow of post-coital bliss, but for some reason I'm always loathe to admit when the old plumbing is backed up.
So why do it? Why admit the poop-shoot is running slow? I dunno.
Nothing makes much sense to me anymore. Logic would dictate that if you're embarrassed to admit something publicly you should avoid doing so, but all the rules changed when Thomas died. Normal logic no longer applies in all areas of my life.
So if FF asks, I tell. And anyone with the link can find out too. 'Cause I'm sure the highlight of most everyone's day would be to know if I crapped or not.
Oy. I need to get pregnant soon.